This article on sexual consent can’t be shared enough

We need more prominent men to speak out, so thank you Mr. Levy.

Yes. To be a feminist, you need to be ok some women are, well, sluts

And it’s ok to be a slut

When You Want to Go Home to Play with Your Pussy Rather Than Continue Talking to Your Date…

This one is far less sexual than the title implies…I really did want to go home and play with my pussy…my new foster kitten that is.  She’s adorable.

Last night’s date with a new guy was kind of…boring.  I don’t know why. He looked like his photos, though his photos had given off a rugged manliness that wasn’t present in person.  He had interesting experiences in life.  He asked questions.  But I just couldn’t get into talking to him.  And I’m not sure if it was because he was lacking or that my new foster kitten is so freaking cute.  Either way, he lost out. I nursed my drink and then said I was tired (which I was) and headed home.  If I was in a different mood, maybe he would have been given more of a chance. But I wasn’t.  And the chemistry wasn’t there, I didn’t need to pretend it was, and I didn’t really feel like we needed to be friends (he had said he was open to just friendships too).

One thing I’m working on his really being in touch with the fact I truly have no obligation when I meet someone. I think this is difficult for all of us. We want to please. We want to be accepted.  But it has lead me to have sex with a couple/few guys that…meh. I mean, I don’t regret it. But I can’t say I really wanted it.  And sometimes it really is better to just call it a night and go home to play with my pussy…either one. (but not both at the same time. Ugh. No way)

Traveling prepared for sex

So, for this trip, I decided to bring a small bottle of lube and my favorite vibrator. I rarely do either, as I’m paranoid that I’ll have to explain to a nosy TSA agent and, well, I do like to keep my sex life private. 

I also have TSA pre check. So I don’t worry about liquids too much and don’t have them separated into a bag….and it turns out, the TSA pre check line happened to be closed when I go through. I’m thinking through what is just rolling around in my bag and remember there is a small thing of lube. And not just any lube. Nope. The small container of lube proudly states it’s for anal. Now, I’m not sure it differs from the non-anal. But I had bought it, figuring it couldn’t hurt as an option, and when I went to pack for this trip, it was the only small lube I could find in my drawer. So it got packed. All I could imagine was the TSA agent holding it up and asking if I wanted to use it up before it was tossed. 

But I got through security ok. Thank goodness. I dash off a funny text to the HAF guy from yesterday about my worry and relief. He responds. All is good. 

I get to my gate and notice someone sitting there who looks vaguely familiar. And I realize he’s a “friend” from my post-undergrad schooling and he’s on my flight. He also weighs about 75 lbs more than he weighed in school and looks terrible. Anyway… I don’t want to talk to him. He was skeevy and I have no reason to believe he’s changed. So I’m ahead of him in the boarding line. Get to my seat. Lift up my bag… And it has started buzzing. I contemplate whether I can pretend it isn’t, but realize that in the overhead compartment, it will amplify the buzzing. And yes, it’s not my electric toothbrush that has turned on accidentally. It is my vibrator. Wtf. 

So I am digging through the bottom of my bag to find it and notice I’m blocking people. And yes… I’m blocking that “friend”. Tuck my head down, hope I’m not recognized. Hope no one notices my bag is buzzing. Where the fuck is this vibrator! Ok. Finally find it. Turn it off. Sink into my seat… 

Now, there at circumstances where I can say “yeah, that’s a vibrator. So what?” But I’ll admit, this is one where I didn’t want to have to say that. 

Making friends all over…

I have a quick overnight business trip…had hoped to see sexy geek guy b/c it’s to his city. But 2 weeks ago he got asked to speak at something and we’re going to miss each other 😦 boo.  But last time I was in this city, I opened up a dating app and somehow due to confusion over where we were both located, ended up chatting with a guy who lives here. I figured I probably wouldn’t meet him, except he used to live in my city and visits sometimes, but he seemed cool and, well, hot as fuck.  So we kept chatting and when I found out I couldn’t meet with SGG, I let Hot as fuck (HAF) guy know I’d be in town.  It worked out that he was traveling to another city tonight, but had the afternoon free, as did I after I met with a client.  Original plan was to meet for a drink…but my hotel is a boutique hotel without a bar and I said he could just come to the hotel. I figured…I’m in a hotel. It’s MY hotel…

And he was hot. And nice. And well…he was a great fuck.  He has the right physical traits to work it. And somehow he seemed to find the fact I’m very unassuming and innocent looking to be, well, hot.  That I’m not a person you’d expect has a side that is so open sexually.  So he made me feel sexy. Even though I felt like he was out of my league appearance-wise.  And he had all kinds of little moves…he was good. Damn good. But also very concerned with my pleasure.  

This is something I’ve found…the freakier someone’s interests tend to me (at least for men), the nicer they are and the more conscientious of a sex partner they are.  Maybe they know what it’s like to feel rejected? Or they just understand the breadth of sexual experiences? Or they’re not desperate…fun afternoon. Now I’m exhausted and need to work. But definitely worth it. 

No. This doesn’t work

  

When a FWB texts you at the perfect time…

This has been a busy and stressful week at work. Nothing unexpected. I knew it would be. It just was.  And I had a big filing today, which was causing stress to keep going up…

And when I get stressed, I get horny. It’s been this way a long time.  And I probably should be clear that this is just work stress type stress. Stress about personal stuff might make me lethargic.

So, a text from one of the guys from a couple months ago couldn’t have come at a better time when I got it at about 6…wondering if I’d be free…I was planning to go for a run after work, but sometimes sex has to take priority. And tonight was one of those nights.  Luckily he could wait a bit so I could get my filing in…

I got home, had enough time to brush my teeth and feed my pets and not much else. I was still in work clothes with a hoodie when he got to my place. But we were naked soon enough. And wow. I remember the sex with him being really really really good. But it was even better.  I mean, just for regular old sex. Nothing crazy in terms of tricks or anything. We just seem to be in sync. And were last time.  And I’m definitely far less stressed.  I definitely need to make more time to see him. Damn. He’s good…And I am far less stressed.

 

I’m still putting off contemplating my own sexual identity stuff…

But could relate to this.

Another article I like…

I don’t know my number. I don’t care about it.  How does one “count” – does it only count if a penis is in a vagina? What about same sex sex? Does it count as soon as you’re naked? Does it count if you both have orgasms? Counting is stupid to me. So I can relate to this:

To me, sexual context will always matter more than the quantity of partners any individual has accumulated. Do you treat your partners with respect? Do you treat yourself with respect? Are you safe? Are you enthusiastic? Did you just “go with the flow” because it was easier, when you really didn’t want to have sex? That makes me nervous. Do you always have sex drunk or because you’re searching for a compliment? Do you manipulate people to get them into bed?

These are my red flags. If none of those boxes are checked, and you’ve been lucky enough to find a lot of people who wanted to have sex with you as much as you wanted to have sex with them, well, all I can say is bravo! Also, what’s your secret?

Well…welcome home to me…

So, I haven’t posted in awhile. I was on vacation for a couple weeks and leading up to that was busy.  And last weekend was super jetlagged (and even this week).  I did go out with one guy on Friday last weekend, beyond jetlagged. I thought he had potential, but apparently he wasn’t that into me.  Oh well. It is rare for me to be rejected after a date, but it happens.

So, today, I decided to give the comedian from months and months ago another chance.  He’s the guy who cancelled on me twice.  Had he not actually cancelled, had he just ghosted, no way.  And actually I thought no way in general…but right before I left on my trip, he friended me on Facebook. I was curious about that and thought maybe it was just one of those massive FB friending things…after all, some days on Facebook, the “people you might know” seems like a “here are people you slept with or considered sleeping with over the past 15 years…” (seriously, what’s up with that???).  Anyway, I decided to accept the friend request and see what played out. He has over 1,000 friends, so I figured I might just blend into the background if it was an accidental request.  But pretty soon, he started liking some of the photos I posted of my trip.  But still…that was it.  Just liking photos. Here and there.  Since we were now FB friends, I could see more photos of him and, yeah…something about him I just thought was super attractive. He has a great smile and nice face. Sure. But I think he’s sexy. In that way that once in awhile you find someone crazy sexy but know that, objectively, they aren’t nearly as sexy as you think they are. Anyway, finally, he messaged me. And I gave him shit for cancelling on me twice.  He said he was stupid and sorry and he really wanted to get to know me and maybe more.  So…I said maybe.  That the fact I was talking to him at all was probably a good sign for him. But not a definite.

Anyway, he kept up a constant, but not annoying level of interaction.  He’s the type of guy, esp given his profession, who has the cool guy exterior. But something about him made me feel like he actually does have a good guy heart.  I got that impression in messages (and had previously).  So I had a good impression. So, getting back, I actually was into seeing him.  Last weekend, we decided not to meet b/c I had just gotten some tattoo work done and had my period.  I teased him that he just couldn’t deal with my period and he said he could – just that he wanted the first time we got together to be comfortable and with the tattoo healing and period, it probably wouldn’t be. But that he would come over if I wanted. I agreed with him…but was excited to meet him this week, but also bracing myself for a no show.

Anyway, in between I was talking to a guy who I was interested, but not overly so, in.  He asked about Friday after work and since I had no plans, I agreed…anyway, we met for a dog walk. Things were fine. He was more attractive than I thought he would be, but wasn’t my type.  Still, I invited him in.  And after some awkward and very mechanical oral, he said he wasn’t feeling it and I agreed. I felt kind of dumb agreeing – b/c it always comes across as defensive. But I’d already crossed him off my future FWB list mentally.

This morning, he messages saying he was bummed we didn’t click. I was cute, etc.  But he had a friend who was interested and could he give his friend my info. I said sure (I had seen photos of said friend).  So we start texting.  And then the comedian actually comes over! And he was exactly how I was hoping he would be – he was attractive in the way I wanted him to be. We clicked right away.  No awkwardness, or very little.  And we had great chemistry.  Ahhh. After one date with no chemistry and one date of being rejected, it was nice to have that click of attraction.  He didn’t stay too long b/c he was in the middle of stuff for work. But we agreed we should do it again…soon…and have messaged since he left. So I have a good feeling about that.

So I messaged back the friend of the guy from last night…I guess he needs a nickname. Trade-up guy, I’ll call him. Since he seemed to be a trade-up from his friend…Anyway, we’re chatting back and forth and he mentioned he was at a sex shop, like 2 blocks from y house.  So I told him how close he was and, well, invited him over.  Now, I’ve never had 2 guys in one day.  But I still had some energy after the comedian, and since trade-up guy was a friend of a guy who had been decent to me, just no chemistry…I decided why not.  So he came over and was more polished and preppy than I expected. But attractive.  (Going from a comedian to a hedge-fund guy in one day…) Anyway, we did have great chemistry. Different than the comedian, but just as good. Just different.

And this whole time I’ve been chatting with a really interesting guy from a nearby-ish city who contacted me last week.  He is interested in a cuckolding relationship. Something about him interested me.  He’s like a successful, really intelligent (obviously), good-looking guy. And he wants to be with a woman who is sexually open (wouldn’t be for him), and who controls when and how he gets off.  I’ll admit I didn’t necessarily get it at first, but in talking to him, it actually intrigues me and maybe possibly could be a relationship style that works for me.  Maybe.  Helps that he’s in another city. Anyway…he’s been very interested in hearing about my day.

And now I must get some work done.  But it was a really satisfyingly fun day 🙂