What a week…bad, good, and excellent

If you had asked me last Saturday how I felt about continuing this non-serious, non-monogamous sex thing, I would have said I was done with it. I had a bad experience.  One of those that leave you wondering whether this is worth it.

Porn Guy has moved away, but he still is messaging me and telling me how fantastic I am. So he wanted to do something fun for me – set me up with a guy he’s set some other women up with for some hot sex. Not my usual approach, but why not? The guy seemed normal by messaging, and I decided to go for it.  Problem is, it didn’t go so well.  He immediately wanted me to suck him off and came right away, but wanted me to get him hard again. So already this seems kind of selfish, but decided I would try for it. The problem is, he crossed the one line I have and had told him about – don’t push my head down or gag me during oral. He kept doing it.

This is one of those things that I can’t process and at some point go into a blind rage/fear with. Bad experiences in my past.  I told him it wasn’t working and he needed to leave. But of course I was nice. Because that’s what I’m trained to do.  He left and I crumbled and spent an hour or so crying.  Luckily as I raged at Porn Guy by message, he was great. He didn’t question my perception. He didn’t try to tell me men weren’t trash. He asked me if I felt I should go to authorities. He legitimized it all. Which was needed and appreciated. (And as I told him, it was the type of thing where I was angry and felt horrible, but it wasn’t illegal what happened).

By early in the week, I was starting to feel normal again. I had gotten some distance from the ptsd triggering stuff and was just…angry. And I knew that was appropriate. Know it is appropriate.  So on Wednesday I agreed to meet a guy I have been talking to for months and had almost written off a number of times – but each time I would feel like I was going to write him off, he would seem interesting and sweet. So I met him for a drink last minute on Wednesday. And it was good. He was more attractive than I expected. More charming too. And I was into him.  We went to my place where he also made sex interesting. It takes a lot of confidence to dig through my toys and use a dildo and butt plug on me while telling me to play with a vibrator…and then fuck me to the point of having several orgasms.  And he was nice. And respectful. So that was a huge upgrade in the week…

Then imagine my surprise to walk out of a massage last night to find a text from Yummy Guy.  I’d been thinking about him lately. And yes, I missed him. But I also accepted the limitations of what I have to offer and also what I think we could be to each other. And resigned myself it was done.  But then…a “I know it’s last minute, but any chance you’d want to get together tonight” text…(which, duh, of course I said yes to).  An hour later, he was at my place and looked fucking fine as hell. And within about a minute (maybe 2) he was inside of me.  And just said “let’s never stop fucking. Let’s always fuck”…I don’t know if he meant it, but he clearly missed my body (and I had missed his) and the sex was incredibly intense.

A few times he started at me a little longer than I was comfortable with, but not in a bad way. Just in a raw way. So I don’t know what is going on there. What he’s feeling. And I don’t know that I’m into talking about it at this point. I’m happy to just see the door open again with him and enjoy that door being open. Because there is just something about him…

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Busy Sunday

Well, yesterday ended up being a busy day.  Originally I was supposed to meet a guy who I had had good convos with, but he ghosted the day before.  Whatever.  I mean, it’s annoying, but I’m not going to worry about it. So I had been trying to find a time to meet another guy who was mildly interesting…but then when I found out he had spent time in the DRC became instantly interesting to me (I’ve spent a lot of time in Africa).  He was messaging me Friday night when he mentioned this, and I thought my Sunday was totally full and he couldn’t do my available times on Saturday…so I was at a loss. And then he sort of made everything seem worse b/c Saturday morning he got into the “well, you don’t actually seem interested in meeting” temper tantrum mode. Which I HATE. Esp when it’s in the midst of legitimately just having a lot going on. I kind of told him off (nicely, very nicely, expressed boundaries) and expected to be deleted. But to his credit, he came back with an apology.  Just said he was into meeting me. So I invited him to a concert the next day that I had an extra ticket to and he seemed excited…

But then yesterday he asked if I minded if he skipped the concert b/c he had to be up early Monday for a flight. Now, I get that. Totally, but it did annoy me that he didn’t say that the day before.  But, because of the Africa thing, I was still really interested in meeting him. It’s rare I find people I find genuinely potentially interesting…so I told him I could meet him for a couple hours in the afternoon.  Despite the fact he annoyed me.  I kind of figured, I would know right away when he showed up, thumbs up or thumbs down. He had impressed me with his ability to be criticized. But he also seemed pushy in a lot of ways.

So, I was sitting at our designated meeting spot (a park near me) and he walked up…and at first I kind of thought “oh shit” when I saw him across the street. But as he got closer, I realized he actually has a great smile and nice face. But he looked kind of ragged – I guess he has bad allergies and they had been esp brutal the past few days.  So we ducked into a bar. And he was super nice, I had a good vibe off him, but then he got a call that he had to take outside and I thought “ok, is that the fake call thing I’ve heard about?”…but he came back. And did end up asking what I thought about him and I was honest that I had a much better vibe in person than I had by messaging. He seemed equally interested, so we paid the tab and went back to my place. I was impressed he had me naked as quickly as he did. Less impressed that he came very quickly. And disappointed that he looked so freaking miserable (red eyes, face, runny nose, etc) that I sent him home (he’s allergic to cats, I have cats). But he seemed/said he was into trying again at his place.  And I am too.

But that left me with about an hour and a half before I had to leave to go to a concert…and I was horny. 😀 Trade Up Guy  had been messaging earlier (we’ve messaged off and on, never have managed to hook up again) and I told him what happened…He offered to come by.  So I said if he could come over right then, yeah, absolutely.  He told me he’d message when close, but to leave my door open and he’d walk in and find me on my bed on all fours…I’d never done that kind of thing before, but why not? So, that’s exactly what happened.  He came in, started licking me and playing with me.  We ended up getting in close to an hour of sex before I had to get ready and leave to go to a concert.  So…5 different guys since last Sunday, but only one was new. It doesn’t really feel like it was *that* crazy…and I definitely had A LOT of good orgasms.

My perfect Friday night

Superman came over, fucked me, I orgasmed more times than I could count (or just never stopped?), and then he left to go out with friends and I can chill and go to bed early and get up early.

Sad for some? Maybe. For me, perfect.  I like time to myself. I don’t like being up late Fridays. I like getting up early on a Saturday, working out, and having a full day.  And I like sex. I like sex to not interfere with my time to chill out. And this didn’t.  Doesn’t.

And, by the way, being dildo’d at the same time I’m being eaten out is heaven.  Total heaven.

And I’m still riding the bliss of pretty much an hour or so straight of orgasms…

Ahhhh. yes. that was good. very good

I had a boring weekend. Sort of by plan, sort of by happenstance. I needed it. I wanted it. But I also was feeling like I really wanted some nice pleasure. But I didn’t feel like meeting someone new and I didn’t really feel like trying to line things up with someone “old”.  So basically, I didn’t do anything. But yesterday on my run I was thinking about Superman. Wondering what he’d been up to. Hoping I’d get to see him soon. And vowing to text when I got home.  Which I promptly forgot about b/c I find that what I think about during runs leaves me as soon as I finish the run.

And then a few hours later, “Hey. How’s it going?” from Superman…did he know I was thinking about him naked? Probably…so I told him I’d been thinking about him. Turns out he obv was thinking about me.  We make plans to meet next weekend, but I said to let me know if he’s ever in my ‘hood b/c you never know if our schedules would line up. He pointed out he gets off mid-afternoon. I said, “well, for example, tomorrow I have a call at 6:30am, so I’m just going to work from home.”  This morning he texts asking me if he wants me to swing by when he’s done. Um. YES. Please god yes.

It took a little scheduling to pull it off, but he got to my place late afternoon.  The thing about our energy is that we’re kind of friendly/pals, both a little awkward and slightly shy, then we get naked and just know how to touch each other and lick each other. Or he does me. And I am pretty sure it’s mutual. So we’re chatting, he gets in the shower, I go and give my dogs chew treats (seriously, they have been sooo annoying since I got the new cat. They don’t like that she sits outside my door with them and that makes them barky. gah. I need a solution b/c the chew treat only lasted for 10 min or so).  I join Superman in the shower and he starts touching me and…fuck yes. It’s on. After some light shower oral, we get out and he just buries his face in me and I can’t remember the last time I truly fully and totally came during oral, but I did. For soooooo long.  Then he starts fingering me and I start soaking my bed.  And I feel like I’ve had countless orgasms as a warm up.  He was so close to coming that I don’t even think I gave my best effort for a blow job before he came.  And he was immediately hard right after because, you know, he’s 27. And I guess 27 year old guys can do that. So I climb on top and it’s just ok, a little awkward and then, omg. He finds the spot.  And I just start this endless orgasm that soaks the bed. By the time he climbs behind me, I’m pretty much toast, but I was able to keep low grade coming until he came again.

And then, like a good FWB, he got dressed to leave. Don’t get me wrong, some FWBs are great for conversation. He’s not one of them. He is soooo sweet. And doesn’t have a mean bone in his body. And he is hot AF IMO. But our conversations are kind of shallow and I’m fine with that. He is almost the perfect FWB. The sex is top notch. He’s nothing but respectful and sweet and easy. And I don’t have to worry about real feelings for him. If he met someone and disappeared with her, I’d be genuinely happy for him. And if we keep up an every month to 6 months fucking schedule for the next 10 years, I’d also be thrilled.

FINALLY naked time

Awhile back (maybe even June), I went out with a charming Canadian who had recently had a vasectomy…that wasn’t healed. So we had a charming, flirty date until he started fidgeting and said he had to go (I knew the situation).  He’s a committed non-monogamous guy and I felt we had a flirty friendship without much potential for deep attachment brewing. Perfect.  So we set up another date and he really thought he’d be able to at least engage in oral…but he wasn’t healing well and he didn’t even want to risk an erection b/c of the pain.  So we went to a movie I wanted to see anyway and it was lovely and flirty. Then he was out of town, and I was out of town, and schedules weren’t lining up…

Finally we found a time that lined up! Tonight! He could stop by on his way home from being out of town.  He’s not 100% healed, but he thought oral would work.  It was kind of an interesting dynamic. Definitely like, ok, we’re friends and we’re going to get naked and do stuff to each other and laugh…

He went down on me and used my favorite glass dildo to make me squirt all over.  It was very satisfying. I knew he didn’t feel he had had a good blow job in a long long long time, so I felt pressure was on.  He was craving one and I’ve always thought that blow jobs were one of my skills…but no one says “you’re only ok at that”, so who knows.  But I could tell right away he was digging my style.  And then my dogs start barking at the bedroom door because one of my cats was by the door and the dogs were upset at the cat or some kind of dog logic.  Anyway, he couldn’t concentrate and I think I got up 3 times to get the dogs to, you know, let us have sex.

He finally came and he has texted me that it was deeply satisfying, so I feel like that was a good assessment of my skills 🙂

He and I don’t have sizzling chemistry, but we have fun, flirty, honest chemistry and that’s a really good person to have in my, uh, lineup. And while it wasn’t crazy sex, it was good and a very relaxing orgasm.  And I think I needed that.

Another night with Sexy Geek Guy

So I had one night in Sexy Geek Guy’s city for work…last time I was in his city, he was out of town the night I had in town. And the time before, we were supposed to meet up, but he got caught up working until the wee hours of the morning (he’s one of those start up guys who works crazy hours). So, I’ll be honest, even when he said he would be around, I was skeptical about meeting up.  I wanted to, but I have learned to accept that maybe reliability (esp when he has work stuff going on) is not his strong suit (and perhaps is part of why he’s single, given that he really is a smart, fun, good guy. Obv being single also can be a choice, as it is for me, but I do wonder sometimes what a person has going on).

I messaged him around 11 am and asked if we were still on for the night…and waited…and waited. Finally, around 5pm, he messaged back with a “YES!”  But he still had some conference calls to do. Ok, fine. I kept working, as I had stuff to do (I should have gone for a run, alas…). And at about 7, he messages again to say that he is close to being done with stuff. And then another hour goes by. So finally around 8, I message and say that I’m starving and was thinking about grabbing some food. He said he wasn’t done, but he would just finish later and he’d come meet me and we’d grab dinner.  So…yay! Finally, I feel like he won’t bail.  So maybe an hour later we finally meet up and go and grab dinner.  We got Korean food, which I’ve only had a few times…he has spent months in Korea. So he kind of took charge and ordered. I liked it. I think that move could annoy me with other guys. But he’s just very much an Alpha Male…despite being kind of scrawny and geeky. I like the confidence on him, but on another guy, it could seriously annoy me. We had a good conversation over dinner. A little awkward at first, since I hadn’t seen him since February. But then it became more relaxed. We have very different energies. He’s clearly a bit hyper and an extrovert. I am a bit more languid and an introvert.  But we do seem to find an in between balance that works.

He apparently was stuffed from dinner…I was not (maybe that’s why he’s so skinny), so we went for a bit of a walk and headed back to my hotel room.  And then he just wanted to cuddle at first and talk . I knew we would end up having sex, but given that our previous two times had been fairly sexual once we were past conversation stage, I was a little confused.  But I do enjoy talking to him, like I said. And cuddling is ok :p

Once things were on, they were very very hot. He’s definitely an alpha sexually and I love it.  Most guys who claim to be dominant, really aren’t. I think b/c I’m not a submissive person in life, they can’t transition from talking to me to pinning me down to fuck me, even though that’s what I like. And I say I like it.  But he just does it. And each time, things have become a little rougher…and I like that.  I encourage it. Now, if first meeting he had lightly choked me, I might not have felt comfortable. Now? I trust him. And he is just very very good at figuring out my body.  The bed was absolutely soaked and I don’t know how many orgasms I had…and I don’t think I moved much at all. After, we talked for another hour or so until it was wayyyy too late. But it was great to see him.

I’ll be back in his city for work in another few weeks. A longer visit this time, but busier, so I don’t know if our schedules will align.

He’s definitely the type of partner who I think I could only enjoy non-monogamously. The sex is fantastic. Conversation is fantastic.  He’s super interesting. Super smart…but he’s not super reliable and he is always later than he says he’ll be (by hours, often). These would be dealbreakers in a boyfriend. For a FWB? they are annoyances. But the fun outweighs the bad b/c basically the worst case scenario for me for seeing him is that I miss going for a run. Since I see him so rarely, this is an ok trade-off.  And I realize I really like the guy in another city situation. I don’t have to talk to him about trying to see him…unless he’s in my city or I’m in his. If we go 3 months with nothing, I don’t think “oh, is he no longer an option?”…I just figure we haven’t been in the same city at the same time and that’s not surprising.

Mmmm. Yes…Superman is back ;)

I started this blog with the last time I had sex with the guy I call Superman.  He lives an hour or more away, so essentially, I have to rely on him driving to see me and that’s (IMO) a big ask for sex to drive a couple hours or more roundtrip.  Plus, he works as a bartender (switching jobs soon), so his hours are crazy.  We had tried to find dates that worked for us since my first blog entry, but between his crazy hours and other things not lining up, it never worked out.  But he got in touch with me early in the week and asked about today. And, yay! I was available.

It’s been so long since I had seen him that I kind of expected that sex might just be good, not amazing. We had only had sex on two occasions in the past and the first was very good. But I wouldn’t say remarkable.  I remembered the second as being amazing.  But I wasn’t sure what to expect since it had been so long, and sometimes a person is only as good as the initial chemistry and once you’re back to actual bodies fitting together and skill..it falls apart.

I shouldn’t have been worried.  He showed up and we started kissing right away. He has a dog, so just thought it was funny when one of my dogs tried to join in.  We went to my bedroom and I was still a little nervous until the tip of his tongue was on my clit…and then it was just amazing.  He can play my body like almost no one has has been able to do so.  It’s so funny. He’s a really really good looking guy in the Clark Kent kind of way.  And I’m sure he gets action being a bartender. But he comes across as kind of wholesome and sweet…but damn.  He is soooo good.  And this time he was a little more assertive.  We definitely somehow still built on the experiences of last time, even though it had been awhile… I’ve been asked if I prefer younger men sexually. I always answer that I don’t have a specific age thing, but I tend to hook up with younger men more often than guys my age. But he is everything right about younger guys – great body, can get hard (really hard) and stay hard, but clearly experienced enough to be a pretty damn amazing partner.

He’s starting a new job in a week or two and should be available more.  I hope so…I’d love to see him more than every 6-7 months :p