0/6…men suck

And….another cancellation tonight. This time with the nice guy I was pretty sure wouldn’t cancel. I had a cancellation last night. Yummy Guy cancelled on Wednesday. And before I went on vacation, I was 0/3.

I KNOW this is just a bad streak. I KNOW that this isn’t about me bc none of them but Yummy Guy knows me and I’m pretty sure that was a legit work thing since our texting up until then had been great.

But it feels shitty. It messes with my head. It makes me cynical. And then b/c of all these other guys being shitheads, I assume Yummy Guy is over me and I’ll never hear from him again…

Allegedly a date lined up for tomorrow. And one Wednesday and maybe a 3some on Thursday. Those could turn things around for sure. We’ll see.


EDIT: I’m now 0/7


Coercion is not consent

I will write more on this later, but COERCION IS NOT CONSENT


It is fucking infantilizing and dehumanizing if a man thinks a woman doesn’t know if she wants sex or not.

And it is rape.
This is the best takedown of Aziz Ansari’s problematic as fuck and rapey statement that I’ve seen: https://twitter.com/studentactivism/status/952764109631746048

Felt kinda like college…

Because I had all these weird boundaries in college re: what was acceptable and not sexually.

Last night I met up with this guy I had been talking to for a long time. He lives in another state, but comes to my city for business, and he seemed nice and fun.  I’d had the terrible night of men on Saturday, so I was hoping for normal last night.

I arrived at the bar and he looked like his pics, although his teeth sort of bugged me. They were clean and cared for, but too small for his mouth. But when he didn’t smile, he was super hot. So I was on the fence initially (I rarely am on the fence).  But he was really nice. Really normal. Really complimentary. And I knew he had a dick injury from too much jacking off, so sex was off the table, but he was open to pleasuring me. So I decided to go back to his hotel room.

The kissing was surprisingly good. And he undressed me and, like most guys, was pretty gaga over my breasts (they aren’t small. At all).  And he was beyond complimentary re: almost everything else. My (post-holiday fat thighs even got a shout out…So did my ears!)

And he did manage to get me off several times, as I soaked his bed completely. And there was something pretty hot about being totally naked while he was (mostly) dressed and taking care of me and I could just be lazy.

I’m fine that he doesn’t live in town. He’s not the type of guy I want to see several times a month. But he was definitely worth the uber to see him and it was really nice to end the weekend with a normal guy.

3 “dates” in less than 8 hours and no sex…

Yesterday’s dates started with meeting up with a guy I’ve been talking to for 2+ years and have never met. Nothing happened to not meet, we’d just be chatting and lose touch. And he seemed mostly into group situations and I didn’t know if he even liked sex outside of that…but somehow we kept ending up chatting some more and this week he said “I like our chats. I hope I can fuck you after some hot guy cums in you, but either way we should be friends”…which was kinda cool. It’s nice when a super kinky guy can see me as a person who has more to offer than just an open mind and open legs. So yesterday (finally) we met. Prior to meeting, he warned me he was in no shape to fuck (which I did appreciate. A good way not to take it personally is to hear in advance fucking is off the table). I knew he’d been up all night in some crazy sex situation, so I wasn’t surprised.

So we just met for coffee…and winded up talking for almost 3 hours before he had to leave because he hadn’t eaten all day and I was about to burst bc I needed to pee so badly (but our conversation had been so easy and flowing, that I didn’t want to take a break in it). First off, he was hot. No surprise bc a guy who isn’t hot probably doesn’t get the opportunity to be a stunt stud for couples and get invited into orgies, etc. But he was attractive. Even with him feeling like shit and barely sleeping, hot. But we just could go from talking about politics to work to group sex and rape culture and how racist white people are and how gross it is…It was just easy.  So I was feeling good about the day when we left. I messaged later and he responded right away, so I think we’ll hook up sometime and hopefully be friends too.

Then I went to my date that night…the guy looked quite a bit heavier than in his pics. Which might have been ok (it is January), but he was clearly already drunk. I was 2 min late to the date, so there was really no excuse to already be drunk. He was slurring his words and gesturing in that wide way drunk people do.  But I stuck it out for a drink. He was clearly into me. Indeed, he was drunk enough to do a complete head to toe intake of me when I walked in. And he started getting touchy feely right away. Which I would have enjoyed if I liked him. But I didn’t.

So as I was finishing up my drink, I was thinking through the scenarios. Should I reject him in the bar? Go outside and make it clear he wasn’t coming home with me…and when I thought about the latter scenario, I had this feeling that he might not take it well and might follow me or hurt me. I decided to listen to my instincts and told him in the bar that I wasn’t feeling chemistry and that I was happy to pick up the tab since he’d come to my neighborhood and he didn’t need to stick around to wait for it. So he asked if it was ok if he left. And I said he could. He was out of their in a split second.

As I was waiting to pay, I got a message from this other guy who had looked super hot in pics and he was leaving dinner. So, since I was up, I was like “yes, let’s meet”. Since it was cold and as he was messaging, I had decided to leave the bar, I said he could just come over and we could see.

He texted as he was pulling up so I went to the building door to let him in and my one dog came with me…the look on this guy’s face was utter contempt for my dog. I knew then that unless his attitude dramatically changed, nothing would happen.

And nope. He was a persnickety (not that hot) dud. He kept complaining about my pets (like, wtf, they’re my pets, we aren’t doing this to date. Just fuck if all goes well. Who cares that I have pets?). And that my place was a mess (again, who cares. I am in the middle of major reorganization and stuff is out. If that is something you’re worried about at 11:30, that’s just weird). So I said there was no chemistry and we didn’t need to pretend there was. He then proceeded to tell me all the reasons he didn’t want to fuck me. Like…why do I care that a scrawny guy who isn’t hot and has a stick up his ass in a not fun way doesn’t want to fuck me?

So then…he demanded I pay for an uber! I did, but jesus. Part of the cost of dating is transportation. I just wanted to get rid of him though and for $6, I could. And that was worth it. As he was leaving he was whining some more. God. What a turd.

So, tonight trying to decide if I want to meet this guy who I have been talking to awhile who is in town. Or see if another guy is available. Or just stay home.