So, for this trip, I decided to bring a small bottle of lube and my favorite vibrator. I rarely do either, as I’m paranoid that I’ll have to explain to a nosy TSA agent and, well, I do like to keep my sex life private.
I also have TSA pre check. So I don’t worry about liquids too much and don’t have them separated into a bag….and it turns out, the TSA pre check line happened to be closed when I go through. I’m thinking through what is just rolling around in my bag and remember there is a small thing of lube. And not just any lube. Nope. The small container of lube proudly states it’s for anal. Now, I’m not sure it differs from the non-anal. But I had bought it, figuring it couldn’t hurt as an option, and when I went to pack for this trip, it was the only small lube I could find in my drawer. So it got packed. All I could imagine was the TSA agent holding it up and asking if I wanted to use it up before it was tossed.
But I got through security ok. Thank goodness. I dash off a funny text to the HAF guy from yesterday about my worry and relief. He responds. All is good.
I get to my gate and notice someone sitting there who looks vaguely familiar. And I realize he’s a “friend” from my post-undergrad schooling and he’s on my flight. He also weighs about 75 lbs more than he weighed in school and looks terrible. Anyway… I don’t want to talk to him. He was skeevy and I have no reason to believe he’s changed. So I’m ahead of him in the boarding line. Get to my seat. Lift up my bag… And it has started buzzing. I contemplate whether I can pretend it isn’t, but realize that in the overhead compartment, it will amplify the buzzing. And yes, it’s not my electric toothbrush that has turned on accidentally. It is my vibrator. Wtf.
So I am digging through the bottom of my bag to find it and notice I’m blocking people. And yes… I’m blocking that “friend”. Tuck my head down, hope I’m not recognized. Hope no one notices my bag is buzzing. Where the fuck is this vibrator! Ok. Finally find it. Turn it off. Sink into my seat…
Now, there at circumstances where I can say “yeah, that’s a vibrator. So what?” But I’ll admit, this is one where I didn’t want to have to say that.