Feelings are dumb

So, as I mentioned Monday, somehow I have, you know, feelings for Trump Hat Guy. Despite every reason not to have them…somehow, yeah. I mean, I recognize intellectually that I barely know him, most of the feelings are based on just a gut response that is attraction/chemistry, but I still have them. We’ve all been there, right? But somehow I thought I was past that part of my life where stuff like this would sneak up on me because it has literally been years since I had those types of feelings for anyone I’ve met. At most I’ve had a passing fondness or 24-hour crush.  This is a “let me google him” crush. Ugh.

So, the stupid feelings…we exchanged a few texts on Monday. And then silence. So, in my head, I’m like “I bet he’s just playing a game…what happened…ugh” and I was kind of sad yesterday about it.  Until I got a text from him last evening that he’d been swamped at work. Still wants to hang out. He’s around all weekend, but hopes to see me before then…and then I’m happy.

Like, seriously. I should not fucking care if a 27-yr old guy who (ewww) voted for Trump in the primary texts me back. This should be about fucking and nothing more. But somehow the universe has a sense of humor and he’s the one who has captured my interest…sigh.  I guess I have to let it play out.

How NOT to impress me…

This morning, I had a message from a guy about my age who appeared attractive, had a cute dog, message was normal enough…I responded.

And I have gotten 3 lengthy responses back. Along with “let’s meet tonight”.  Mind you, all I sent was a message saying hi, asking how he was doing, and saying I don’t text with someone I haven’t met yet (use kik instead). And he pukes up a crap ton of information to me.

I’m sure some women like that. I find it a little…”chill out, dude. If I want a wall of text, I’ll open a work email.”  And I feel like this is often a problem with men my age and why I don’t seem to meet anyone my own age. Granted, a lot of men my age are coupled and they aren’t dating. So the pool is smaller.  But they take the limited information I give them in my profile and extract this whole thing about things I am interested in and they demonstrate that, far from an organic-developing casual thing, they want a BFF for life. Which I’m not looking for.

The worst example of this was a guy I was semi-set up with.  So, he had apparently messaged me. I’m not sure if I didn’t read his message b/c I didn’t open it or because I did open it and it was a wall of text.  But a guy I went out with a year or so ago messaged me and said he thought I would get along with this other guy. So I gave him a chance.  I’ll be honest, I barely looked at his profile or message before meeting…HE BROUGHT ME A PRINT OUT OF HIS ORIGINAL MESSAGE TO ME TO GIVE TO ME AFTER HE READ IT TO ME AT THE BAR.  Let’s put it this way, the message was at least twice as long as this blog post.

So guys, women…chill out at first. It’s great when you actually have something to be excited about to talk about. And I’m not advocating for boring-ass answers. But if you read your answer back and it is too fucking long…shorten it.

A weekend of exactly what I expected and not so much…

Ok, I’ll get the boring out of the way first.  So, for the past year+, I’ve occasionally exchanged messages with a guy who I just couldn’t cut off the potential list entirely, but he didn’t entice me enough to really try to meet. I couldn’t put my finger on it. He was physically my type. And he seemed nice enough. But I guess he just seemed a little bit more selfish than I typically like in a hookup. But…nothing was concrete in realm. It was just a sense I got.  For whatever reason, I messaged him last week and we decided we could meet up on Saturday.  I had a haircut, he had a friend coming in town, so time was limited. And, I’ll be honest, I ran errands and stuff and didn’t try to maximize the time we had.  While I’m typically not a fan of just going over to a guy’s place, we had messaged enough, and he had been chill enough, that I decided it was fine.  So I did….and he was exactly what I expected physically (a good thing).  We chatted a bit and started hooking up…and it was fine. But nothing great.  He seemed more interested in my giving him a blow job than me having a fun time (I mean, I do give good head, so I can respect the desire, but come on…).  He wasn’t rude about it. I just left like….meh. That was exactly what I expected. It was kind of fun, but not really fun, and I don’t regret putting him off for so long. Oh well.

But I had fun plans lined up for Saturday…which totally morphed.  Originally I had been chatting with two bi-curious/leaning/interested guys separately. What they were saying they were into was so similar that I decided to throw out a 3sum meetup for Sunday. They were both in.  Guy #1 was messaging all weekend how excited he was. Guy #2 starts messaging late morning on Sunday…I put them in a group chat and they seem to be totally hitting it off…Then Guy #1 has to deal with a towed car situation (his car was apparently towed the night before). And he’s not sure he can make it.  So…I offer to Guy #2 that I could message Trump Hat Guy b/c he’s bi-ish.  I didn’t actually expect to hear back from THG b/c I hadn’t heard from him in a couple weeks (we had had plans to meet up, but he was stuck at his parents’ house for Father’s day…and then just nothing).  But to my surprise, he responded almost immediately that he was thinking about me, he’s interested, he thought I was mad at him…Anyway, he’s interested in the situation, but nervous about whether he’d be into Guy #2.  Due to Pride Parade traffic, Guy #2 gets to my place no problem. THG gets stuck and it takes forever.  Guy #2 is nice. But meh. He’s a good bit chubbier than his photo and I have kind of zero desire to fuck him.  I might be able to do it if he brought a hot 3rd to the table…but I knew THG wasn’t going to be interested. So, we have a beer, chat a bit. And finally I find a way of saying that I really don’t see it being a good fit and I wasn’t comfortable. He asked if he should leave and I said yes.  I hate doing that, but it’s got to be done sometimes.  Not a minute after he leaves, THG arrives.  And he kisses me and it’s like fireworks all around.  We do have great chemistry.  So we sit down, talk awhile. We talk very very easily and comfortably.

At some point, we head to my bedroom where, of course, the sex is amazing. I mean, it’s incredible. And then we hung out and talked some more, playing some with my dogs, and then head back to my kitchen to eat something.  So, all told, he was at my place nearly 4 hours and we probably had sex for an hour or less. We talked the rest of the time.  He told me there is nothing about me he doesn’t like.  I like him.  And what the fuck! He’s 27 and voted for Trump in the primary (admits he may not in the General). I mentioned voting for Bill Clinton in my first election and joked he must have been 2 at the time…no…he was fucking 3 yrs old. Not 2. 3!  He assured me age doesn’t matter to him.  He mentions possibly meeting his brother. And like, I’m still interested. One thing I have managed to do for years is be in control of my crushes. If I don’t hear from someone, no big deal b/c there are tons of guys out there. And…I actually want to hear from THG. Not just to have sex (which I do want to have lots and lots of sex with him), but also because he interests me. He’s wicked smart, but he sees the world through a different set of lenses than I do…but it is a considered set of lenses (believe it or not), and I get curious how he gets there.  But then I talked to him about why a lot of older feminists are rather strident and the types of sexual harassment I have faced in my career…and he totally took the information in and was shocked that things that I took as “normal” actually happened.  So he’s not dismissive of such things, just underinformed. And open to info.

So fuck me. I actually like like a guy. And it happens to be a 27 yr old Trump supporter. Of all fucking people. We’ll see. As I told a friend, if he ends up being terrible, I can console myself that he’s a Trump supporter and 27.  And if he’s great, I suppose this is the fun plot twist that a Hulu Television Original based on my like would throw into the mix.

Another night with Sexy Geek Guy

So I had one night in Sexy Geek Guy’s city for work…last time I was in his city, he was out of town the night I had in town. And the time before, we were supposed to meet up, but he got caught up working until the wee hours of the morning (he’s one of those start up guys who works crazy hours). So, I’ll be honest, even when he said he would be around, I was skeptical about meeting up.  I wanted to, but I have learned to accept that maybe reliability (esp when he has work stuff going on) is not his strong suit (and perhaps is part of why he’s single, given that he really is a smart, fun, good guy. Obv being single also can be a choice, as it is for me, but I do wonder sometimes what a person has going on).

I messaged him around 11 am and asked if we were still on for the night…and waited…and waited. Finally, around 5pm, he messaged back with a “YES!”  But he still had some conference calls to do. Ok, fine. I kept working, as I had stuff to do (I should have gone for a run, alas…). And at about 7, he messages again to say that he is close to being done with stuff. And then another hour goes by. So finally around 8, I message and say that I’m starving and was thinking about grabbing some food. He said he wasn’t done, but he would just finish later and he’d come meet me and we’d grab dinner.  So…yay! Finally, I feel like he won’t bail.  So maybe an hour later we finally meet up and go and grab dinner.  We got Korean food, which I’ve only had a few times…he has spent months in Korea. So he kind of took charge and ordered. I liked it. I think that move could annoy me with other guys. But he’s just very much an Alpha Male…despite being kind of scrawny and geeky. I like the confidence on him, but on another guy, it could seriously annoy me. We had a good conversation over dinner. A little awkward at first, since I hadn’t seen him since February. But then it became more relaxed. We have very different energies. He’s clearly a bit hyper and an extrovert. I am a bit more languid and an introvert.  But we do seem to find an in between balance that works.

He apparently was stuffed from dinner…I was not (maybe that’s why he’s so skinny), so we went for a bit of a walk and headed back to my hotel room.  And then he just wanted to cuddle at first and talk . I knew we would end up having sex, but given that our previous two times had been fairly sexual once we were past conversation stage, I was a little confused.  But I do enjoy talking to him, like I said. And cuddling is ok :p

Once things were on, they were very very hot. He’s definitely an alpha sexually and I love it.  Most guys who claim to be dominant, really aren’t. I think b/c I’m not a submissive person in life, they can’t transition from talking to me to pinning me down to fuck me, even though that’s what I like. And I say I like it.  But he just does it. And each time, things have become a little rougher…and I like that.  I encourage it. Now, if first meeting he had lightly choked me, I might not have felt comfortable. Now? I trust him. And he is just very very good at figuring out my body.  The bed was absolutely soaked and I don’t know how many orgasms I had…and I don’t think I moved much at all. After, we talked for another hour or so until it was wayyyy too late. But it was great to see him.

I’ll be back in his city for work in another few weeks. A longer visit this time, but busier, so I don’t know if our schedules will align.

He’s definitely the type of partner who I think I could only enjoy non-monogamously. The sex is fantastic. Conversation is fantastic.  He’s super interesting. Super smart…but he’s not super reliable and he is always later than he says he’ll be (by hours, often). These would be dealbreakers in a boyfriend. For a FWB? they are annoyances. But the fun outweighs the bad b/c basically the worst case scenario for me for seeing him is that I miss going for a run. Since I see him so rarely, this is an ok trade-off.  And I realize I really like the guy in another city situation. I don’t have to talk to him about trying to see him…unless he’s in my city or I’m in his. If we go 3 months with nothing, I don’t think “oh, is he no longer an option?”…I just figure we haven’t been in the same city at the same time and that’s not surprising.

I think this article from a bi person’s perspective after Orlando is impt

Here’s the article.   I was chatting with someone yesterday that I felt like I had to identify as an ally, rather than LGBT, because, even though I fall somewhere on the Kinsey scale, I haven’t had to deal with fear for who I kiss  or hold hands with.  Or how I present myself. And I felt that before Orlando. Anyway, this article doesn’t change how I feel, but I think it’s impt to read.

Mmmm. Yes…Superman is back ;)

I started this blog with the last time I had sex with the guy I call Superman.  He lives an hour or more away, so essentially, I have to rely on him driving to see me and that’s (IMO) a big ask for sex to drive a couple hours or more roundtrip.  Plus, he works as a bartender (switching jobs soon), so his hours are crazy.  We had tried to find dates that worked for us since my first blog entry, but between his crazy hours and other things not lining up, it never worked out.  But he got in touch with me early in the week and asked about today. And, yay! I was available.

It’s been so long since I had seen him that I kind of expected that sex might just be good, not amazing. We had only had sex on two occasions in the past and the first was very good. But I wouldn’t say remarkable.  I remembered the second as being amazing.  But I wasn’t sure what to expect since it had been so long, and sometimes a person is only as good as the initial chemistry and once you’re back to actual bodies fitting together and skill..it falls apart.

I shouldn’t have been worried.  He showed up and we started kissing right away. He has a dog, so just thought it was funny when one of my dogs tried to join in.  We went to my bedroom and I was still a little nervous until the tip of his tongue was on my clit…and then it was just amazing.  He can play my body like almost no one has has been able to do so.  It’s so funny. He’s a really really good looking guy in the Clark Kent kind of way.  And I’m sure he gets action being a bartender. But he comes across as kind of wholesome and sweet…but damn.  He is soooo good.  And this time he was a little more assertive.  We definitely somehow still built on the experiences of last time, even though it had been awhile… I’ve been asked if I prefer younger men sexually. I always answer that I don’t have a specific age thing, but I tend to hook up with younger men more often than guys my age. But he is everything right about younger guys – great body, can get hard (really hard) and stay hard, but clearly experienced enough to be a pretty damn amazing partner.

He’s starting a new job in a week or two and should be available more.  I hope so…I’d love to see him more than every 6-7 months :p