What a week…bad, good, and excellent

If you had asked me last Saturday how I felt about continuing this non-serious, non-monogamous sex thing, I would have said I was done with it. I had a bad experience.  One of those that leave you wondering whether this is worth it.

Porn Guy has moved away, but he still is messaging me and telling me how fantastic I am. So he wanted to do something fun for me – set me up with a guy he’s set some other women up with for some hot sex. Not my usual approach, but why not? The guy seemed normal by messaging, and I decided to go for it.  Problem is, it didn’t go so well.  He immediately wanted me to suck him off and came right away, but wanted me to get him hard again. So already this seems kind of selfish, but decided I would try for it. The problem is, he crossed the one line I have and had told him about – don’t push my head down or gag me during oral. He kept doing it.

This is one of those things that I can’t process and at some point go into a blind rage/fear with. Bad experiences in my past.  I told him it wasn’t working and he needed to leave. But of course I was nice. Because that’s what I’m trained to do.  He left and I crumbled and spent an hour or so crying.  Luckily as I raged at Porn Guy by message, he was great. He didn’t question my perception. He didn’t try to tell me men weren’t trash. He asked me if I felt I should go to authorities. He legitimized it all. Which was needed and appreciated. (And as I told him, it was the type of thing where I was angry and felt horrible, but it wasn’t illegal what happened).

By early in the week, I was starting to feel normal again. I had gotten some distance from the ptsd triggering stuff and was just…angry. And I knew that was appropriate. Know it is appropriate.  So on Wednesday I agreed to meet a guy I have been talking to for months and had almost written off a number of times – but each time I would feel like I was going to write him off, he would seem interesting and sweet. So I met him for a drink last minute on Wednesday. And it was good. He was more attractive than I expected. More charming too. And I was into him.  We went to my place where he also made sex interesting. It takes a lot of confidence to dig through my toys and use a dildo and butt plug on me while telling me to play with a vibrator…and then fuck me to the point of having several orgasms.  And he was nice. And respectful. So that was a huge upgrade in the week…

Then imagine my surprise to walk out of a massage last night to find a text from Yummy Guy.  I’d been thinking about him lately. And yes, I missed him. But I also accepted the limitations of what I have to offer and also what I think we could be to each other. And resigned myself it was done.  But then…a “I know it’s last minute, but any chance you’d want to get together tonight” text…(which, duh, of course I said yes to).  An hour later, he was at my place and looked fucking fine as hell. And within about a minute (maybe 2) he was inside of me.  And just said “let’s never stop fucking. Let’s always fuck”…I don’t know if he meant it, but he clearly missed my body (and I had missed his) and the sex was incredibly intense.

A few times he started at me a little longer than I was comfortable with, but not in a bad way. Just in a raw way. So I don’t know what is going on there. What he’s feeling. And I don’t know that I’m into talking about it at this point. I’m happy to just see the door open again with him and enjoy that door being open. Because there is just something about him…

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Ending the weekend being fucked by a porn star followed by a massage…

Ok, porn star is probably an exaggeration, but an hour into being fucked by a guy with amazing skills, he told me that he had done porn for a year and a half in his early 20s. I’m pretty sure that’s a first.

I’ve been super busy lately, and have had some fun, but the past couple weeks have been boring. Between work and some political stuff I’m involved with, I’ve had very little time. I did go on a date with a super super sweet guy last Sunday, but it got to be late and I had my period, so I just made out with him a bit (but may see him next weekend). Friday I was supposed to have a date, but was in a terrible mood, so I canceled. Then I was getting a weird feeling from a guy I was supposed to go out with last night, so I canceled. I decided to swipe on Bumble a bit and was pleased to match with a guy whose face I just loved. Great smile. GREAT smile. We started messaging and I guess I assumed he was innocent. He looked innocent. So when he asked what I was looking for, I sort of downplayed the “nonmongamous FWBs” part and just said “casual FWBs”. Luckily he responded well to that and we kept chatting. So when he sent me a dick pic I had gotten a few months ago from a different guy, I was disappointed bc he had seemed so nice.

I considered just deleting him, but decided to tell himI had gotten his pic before from someone else. I didn’t expect to have a response back that had any logic to it, but to my surprise, he said that he had the pic up on FetLife and he’d heard some guys had downloaded it and were using it as their own. He offered to FaceTime with me to show me it was him, but I said I hated FaceTime, but would do it. So he then said I could also *67 call him if that made me more comfortable…and I really appreciated his focus on my comfort, lack of defensiveness, and going the extra mile. We chatted a bit about politics and and it was a good conversation, so I felt much better about meeting him. And that he was real. Even still, all day today I was a bit nervous this was an elaborate catfish. I was also incredible turned on bc he was smart, shares my politics, and has a beautiful cock (plus, seemed like he would be my physical type).

I usually don’t let guys just come over, but between being horny AF and having such a good feeling about him from our call, I decided I’d let him come over. And basically once I agree to that, the challenge is how to be most comfortable with him. He asked me to leave the door open and meet him naked. Never done that, but decided to go for it. And it was surprisingly comfortable and not weird to be greeted like that…and luckily he looked just like his pics.

After that, he basically fucked me for an hour and a half straight (with some oral thrown in) and he was clearly very into it. Told me several times he wants this to be a regular thing. So it was fantastic. A nice, hot guy who wants to fuck me on the regular? Yes please. And after so much crappy stuff with guys lately, I totally earned a fantastic fuck.

Oh, and then I got a massage. So I’m beyond beyond blissed out.

Hopefully he does become a regular partner because I will be muchhhh less stressed out if I’m getting fucked weekly by a guy that good.

A good end to the year

The week before xmas was crazy at work – it was about an 80-90 hour week.  On Wednesday, I got a text from Yummy Guy asking if I could swing by his office (which I’ve never done), but work just didn’t let me get out in time and then he was off to visit family for the holidays (definitely asking for a raincheck on the office sex tho…)

I’d dismissed the young Cub as being creepy after he turned on me and tried to get me to be a Sugar Mama to him. I don’t pay for sex. I don’t need to. I took this week off work and on Wednesday I met up with another young guy who seemed pretty fun and definitely hot.  I had a very difficult time judging things with him.  He was nice enough, but wasn’t great at eye contact and I wasn’t sure if he was interested. In fact, shortly before we left the bar, I texted a friend while he was in the bathroom and said we wouldn’t be hooking up.  But then…he walked with me home. And I let him come in.  He was really hot and had a very sexy voice.  So we had some drinks and he still made basically no moves on me. When we finished them, I kissed him – figuring he was in my place, so he must be interested. And somehow that ignited chemistry I just didn’t think was there.

What followed was at least a solid hour, if not longer, of pure sex. He had skills beyond his years and had clearly listened to what I said I liked.  His dick was perfectly suited for my g spot and he was quite good with his fingers.  My bed was completely completely soaked at the end. He loved that and I had many orgasms.

I wasn’t quite sure if he might see this as a one time thing (but after the sex, I am definitely game for a continuing thing).  But he messaged a bunch yesterday and definitely expressed interest in seeing me again.

Then, on my way to drinks with friends last night, I got a text from Yummy Guy that he was back in town and could he see me that night. Since I was meeting for early drinks, I figured 2 1/2 hours for drinks followed by sex would work perfect (and also worked for him).  I offered to go over to his place (I’d never been) since I was out, not too far out of my way from where I thought he lived, and my place is in the midst of being organized and I had stuff all over my bed (I did warn him I didn’t have sexy underwear on for him, but he took me up on the offer of coming over).

He answered in his boxer briefs and tshirt and looked (as always) amazing.  I felt a little gross. I’d indulged in nachos at lunch and, well, it’s the holidays.  But as he was undressing me, he told me that he was so into my body and absolutely loves it.  Right before he said that, I was thinking about how I hate hooking up after wearing jeans b/c I hate the way they cut into my waist…he didn’t seem to care. At all.

So we had (as always) intense sex.  And then spent a couple hours talking about just random stuff. About an hour after I got there, he let me know it was his birthday…which made me feel pretty great that he chose me for his birthday night plans 🙂 And he turned down a friend texting him to go out even after we’d had sex. We seem to be in a good rhythm. I’m fine with seeing him a couple/few times a month. He seems equally fine with that. I think we’re on the same page with everything – we genuinely enjoy each other for more than just the sex. But we also seem to just have that chemistry that doesn’t happen often.  It was interesting having the back to back great sex. The guy on Wednesday, from a technical perspective, probably was better than Yummy Guy (at least comparing Wednesday to Thursday). But I wasn’t buzzing after seeing him in the same way I was after Yummy Guy.

Hopefully this is a good sign for 2018…

A new cub…

As much as I hate the cougar moniker, I think cub applies here. Because he really does look young (he’s 24) and he really does look so adorable. But he’s still sooooo sexy and I think there is good potential.

I’ve been messaging Cub for almost a month.  He started messaging me right before I went on my trip, then I got back and he was out of town, then I was for work…and now I’m swamped at work. He’s bi, and I love bi guys, and he seems so sweet and eager.  So finally he swung by yesterday afternoon when I was working and I took a break. I don’t normally love the “just come over and hookup” as a first meet. But sometimes, it’s the only thing that is going to work.

My first impression when he showed up was “god he looks young. But those lips. THOSE LIPS”.  So we went to my room and didn’t talk much before we were kissing. And damn. He is an amazing kisser. Like one of the best kissers I’ve kissed. And of course we end up naked and he was kind of on top of me while I sucked his cock and he played with my pussy, which he was also really really really good at.

But then when we went to fuck, he lost his erection. He got it back after I sucked on him some more, but that was kind of weird. I don’t know if he was just nervous or what.

So I wasn’t sure what to think when he left. I was definitely down to do it again b/c what he did do in terms of kissing and fingering me, he did SO well. But then I wasn’t sure what he thought about me and all that. But I got a text this morning gushing about how amazing I am.

So we’ll see. I am sure I’ll see him again. Whether it turns into something regular kind of depends on whether he can actually stay erect while fucking me. I mean, the other stuff is fun, but not enough for ongoing.

Chemistry…what is it? (I don’t have a scientific answer, just observations)

This week, oddly, has turned into a somewhat busy week with different men. It’s been a crazy busy week, but sometimes things just line up.

On Saturday, I saw a guy I’ve hooked up with in a 3some (the teacher). He’s a nice guy. Nice face. Lovely, big cock. And he is really really into and good at oral. But my feelings about him are…meh.  I haven’t really gone out of my way to hook up with him since the 3some in March, but I haven’t cut him off either. He’s perfectly nice and there’s nothing that wrong with him (compared to most men I hook up with, his body ain’t great, but given his beautiful cock, it’s sort of a wash). BUT…I’ve been super busy, had a few weeks of men disappearing when it came time to meet, and he was willing to work around my schedule, didn’t care I had my period, and I knew that I wouldn’t have to talk to him/spend much time with him.

So he came over Saturday morning and, as predicted, it was technically excellent oral (although I did have my period, I had a Soft Cup  in, and I’m not even sure he realized I was still on my period. Since I had told him I would be, I didn’t feel the need to mention it again), ok fucking, and he was nice, but left as soon as sex was over. It kind of scratched an itch and I went on with my day.

Monday I had the very nice date with Rocker Guy , which ended with a kiss where I just wanted to melt into him…now that’s chemistry.  And yesterday, Yummy Guy came over and it was just so good. Sex with him is really really good. I think it keeps getting better, too. But, like last night, after I came more times than I could count, he started to fuck my ass. At this point, I kind of knew that I wouldn’t come again…so I didn’t bother to do what I’d usually do during anal (use a toy on my clit – that gives a really intense orgasm that is different than clit alone). I was ok not coming again.  So at this point, I wasn’t really getting anything out of anal, but there was something about that level of closeness that was really really intense and fun. And I can honestly say I enjoyed that, which didn’t get me off at that point, way more than I enjoyed technically excellent oral with the Teacher guy.

So what is it? Why did the Teacher Guy do a lot of things technically right and is still an afterthought compared to these other two? I’m in my 40s and still don’t understand why some people are just people I have chemistry with. And some…I just don’t. It has been fun to realize I can have chemistry with multiple people and that I can have the gushy feeling with more than one guy in a week.

I’m supposed to see Rocker guy tomorrow, and I assume we’ll have sex, so it will be an interesting comparison with Yummy Guy. I’ve got to say though, I am really excited about some of my options at the moment!

He actually traveled about 4 hours roundtrip to see me…

About a month ago, I got a message from someone who lives in a city a couple hours from me. It’s not a bad drive, but since I don’t have a car, I sort of responded without expecting much. And he was one of those guys who I couldn’t tell if he was hot…or not. He didn’t have any shirtless pics, but it appeared like he had a good body and a nice face. But he was bald (and I like hair). But for some reason, I responded. I guess I was bored (at least he was in my age sweet spot – 26-31…he is 30).

I was swamped at work, but over a couple weeks, we developed a friendly and flirty messaging thing. I could vent over social justice issues and he got it. But sex was also very much on the table. Originally we had planned to just meet when he was going to be in my city for the weekend of Sept 30 to see a friend, but when my work cleared up, that seemed to be really far off.  So finally I said I woudn’t be weirded out if he wanted to meet earlier.  So about a week and a half ago (I’m behind on my blog), he took the train down to see me.

When I woke up that day, I got really nervous. What if I didn’t find him attractive (I still couldn’t tell for sure from pics). I thought I would like him, but what if I didn’t want to fuck him…oh well, he was taking the risk.

His phone was wonky, so we agreed to meet at a fountain near my office when his train got in, in case his phone wasn’t working.  I got there before he did and was sitting doing something on my phone when he walked up…and I was very pleasantly surprised. He was taller than I thought he was and it was obvious he had a fantastic body. And even tho bald usually isn’t my thing, he was really attractive with incredibly sexy lips.

But it was obvious he was shy. He had told me he was, but I guess because we had chatted so much on Kik, I just assumed he would be less nervous. It wasn’t awful or anything, but I couldn’t tell if he was disappointed by me in person (usually guys tell me I’m more attractive in person than in pics, but who knows what a person likes).  We went to my place and took my dogs for a walk. I was aware that we sort of had a window of time to do…whatever…before he had to take the train back (I had told him that I preferred not to do a sleep over the first time I met someone).

After the walk, we sat down on my couch and I was trying to read the vibe…when he leaned in to gently kiss me. And his sexy lips felt soooo good. He was far less…aggressive sexually than I am used to. Not that he was tentative or lacked confidence.  He just was patient with pacing. After we kissed awhile and things got a bit more intense, we went to my room. I should have written this close to when I saw him. I do remember that I had an incredibly intense orgasm when he was going down on me (kind of unusual for me). And I knew he was super into the blow job I gave him. I knew he liked ass play, so I was fingering him too (but, tbh, I never know if I’m doing that right).

The sex was really good IMO, and I could see a lot of room to explore more with him (but he had to get to his train…I did pay for his lyft to the station since he came in to see me).  He messaged me that he had made the train and we exchanged a couple messages, but I couldn’t tell if he was into me or if I was just fuckable enough.

And for like a week, we only exchanged a few kind of awkward messages. I am well aware that men enjoy the chase quite a bit, so once you’ve fucked them, messaging drops off. And that’s fine, but it does make it difficult to read. So I just decided I wouldn’t initiate anything and if I didn’t hear from him, I’d, of course, live. Last night I saw a message from him pop up – he had his new phone set up and it was back to how messages had been before meeting. Very flirty. And he told me he’d been thinking about the blow job a lot and that he could have stayed at my place all night. So, we ended up talking about other stuff he’s into trying, and I said next time he can stay over if he wants…which he seemed into. So I kinda think he was trying to read what I thought about things while I was trying to read him…And it is flattering that I was worth that kind of round trip.

Mmmm…Evening with yummy guy

I have renamed “Ass Man” into Yummy Guy because, well, I find him so unbelievably yummy. He somehow is incredibly hot and sexy and still has the sweetness of a puppy. He’s a perfect fuck buddy. He makes me feel incredibly sexy and interesting and I still am fucking someone who I would have thought was out of my league. It’s perfect.

Anyway, I hadn’t seen him for awhile. We had exchanged some texts about meeting up, but he was swamped with work. Then I was buried with work…but my stuff was kicked into December yesterday afternoon and I immediately thought of him. So while I was still on the conference call about arrangements for work, I texted him. He texted back immediately and said he was thinking about me (whether he was or not, I appreciate that type of response).  So he suggested last night and I was game.

He asked (if I was willing), could I put on some lingerie and he had a thing for thigh highs…So I put on some fishnet thigh highs, and some very classy, but very sexy lingerie, and met him at the door in an oversize man’s shirt and that. He appreciated that. Very much. After weeks of eating shit food at the office and not working out and feeling gross, I very much appreciated the way he looked at me. And, well, he looked hot AF.  We went to my kitchen where I was going to pour us drinks, but ended up with his cock in my mouth and then fucking in the kitchen before I could do pour anything. We then went to my bedroom where he asked me to put a butt plug in while he fucked me (which I love…and that definitely made anal later on a lot easier to get into more quickly, though he is the best at anal).

After, we hung out a bit talking. I truly do enjoy just talking to him. At one point, he went to my bathroom and I could hear him talking int here and was confused – he went in naked and I didn’t think his phone would be in the bathroom. Turns out he was talking to my cat who happened to be in there (this is the part where he has the sweetness of a puppy). Too cute.