I didn’t know nerds could be this hot

A week or so again, OKC alerted me that someone had liked my profile. Normally I can’t see likes on OKC b/c I don’t pay for the service, but once in awhile, OKC wants me to know about one. And once in awhile, I actually look. And once in awhile, I’m actually interested. And sometimes out of that, the person messages me after I like them back.  This was one of those times.

Nerd Boy looked Hot AF in his pics. Like the type of guy who can wear eyeliner and makeup and look hot (not that he was…but I could see it).  And we seemed to really hit it off my messaging.  It was clear he had his choice of women, so I had certain expectations…and then he kind of blew all of them up by letting me know he was into comic books, D&D, and bowling. Um…huh? But I kind of like that. Hot normal guys are fun, but boring. Hot nerdy guy? Bring it on.

We met early on Saturday b/c he had to be up insanely early on Sunday.  I got to the bar a couple minutes before him and was not at all disappointed when he walked in.  However, I don’t know about our chemistry. It was pretty comfortable, lots of laughing, but there was something that seemed like it was preventing full on chemistry. And yet…when he kissed me it was a great great kiss.  It just worked.  So we did end up going back to my place where we had really really great sex.  But…there was that piece that just seemed to be holding back animalistic sex.  Was it lack of chemistry? Lack of trust? I don’t know. I do know I really enjoyed him. And I do know that I thought he was hot AF.  And the average hotness of guys I have fucked recently has been pretty damn high.  (Oddly, the less I have time to give a shit about getting ready to meet someone, the hotter the partners are for sex…hmmm)

So again, I don’t know if we’ll fuck again. I’m happy if we do. Fine if we don’t.  I do have a supposed 3some with the super hot bi guy lined up, so maybe that will play out this week.

And, btw, as a woman who allows myself to be used as a sex object on MY terms (terms that have nothing to do with food), fuck Pence and his fucking attitude that women can’t dine with men. That’s just discrimination. And if I want to fuck someone, food is not necessary (when was the last time I fucked after a meal? I don’t even know).  I’m smarter than most men I work with and have to work twice as hard because men support each other and not women as much…but at least most of those men have the decency not to treat me like all I am is a vagina.

Another big city, small world coincidence…

So I’m texting Cat and he proposes an MMF for this weekend, if I’m available, with a guy he has had sex with and also had an MMF with.  Since this is my #1 fantasy, and since Cat seems like truly a good guy, I say I’ll make myself available.

Then he texts: “So turns out you two have met.”

Ummmmmmm

Cat tells me the guy’s first name. I don’t recognize it. I mean, I recognize it from one guy I didn’t think was bi, search my phone for #s from someone of that name, search my kik…nothing else.

And I text back asking for a pic. And feel stupid b/c the name isn’t that typical. And the whole time I’m thinking “is this someone I rejected? had sex with? what????” And feeling, well, like a slut (ok, yeah, I’m talking about having an MMF, so it’s dumb to get hung up on that, but feelings are feelings).

Finally, what seems like ages later, Cat texts me a pic. And it’s this guy. Which really is the best scenario. He was a good guy. I liked him. It just sort of never happened again for whatever reasons these things don’t, but nothing against him.

Small fucking world.

So, he’s down, I’m down. We’re all down. We’ve all individually been naked with each other. Planets are aligning, maybe.

Since I brought up online dating… 

It seems like I’m noticing more of the ridiculous. These don’t bother me, but people are so clueless.

First, no… That quite literally is a car (I mention that I don’t understand why all the car pics in profiles and they seem like men are compensating). And this guy is quite outside my age range. And eww. 

Second, it’s quite possible (and actually, true story, is the case) that I’m both a real person and find you uninteresting and unattractive (and I still haven’t figured or why it shows me always online, but I figure it’s an app setting I haven’t figured out)

Trump Hat Guy is back…

Ok, admittedly when I said I was done, I was, in my mind, not necessarily forever done. More just, done with not knowing wtf was going on.  And tired of it. Unlike the other guy I got fed up with the same day, who scared me b/c of his anger, THG just was, well, a 27 yr old guy – poor communicator (oh, and last night I learned he’s, um, 26. I don’t know why I thought 27).

Yesterday afternoon, I got a text from him… “This sucks”. My response was that it did.  But I don’t have the patience to sit around and wonder if he’s going to text back or show up. That I still liked him, but I’m at a stage in my life where I’m just done with those kinds of games and how they fuck with my head.

I was with a friend and she was asking what I wanted when I responded. I said I didn’t really have an end game other than buying into the Dan Savage theory that you should leave them better than you found them when you’re the older/more experienced person. And I’m clearly stating what I can’t deal with and not trying to hurt him.  So he responded that he likes me too.  And asked if I was free…which I wasn’t (was going to a wedding as my friend’s +1).  Anyway, we had a few more texts that he’s not trying to play games (and I truly didn’t think he was…I just thought he was young, hadn’t learned good communication skills and probably was used to being bitched at whenever something wasn’t perfect, rather than accepting that life isn’t always perfect).  So, I agreed that after I went to the wedding, I would text him.

So I did, and this became sort of a situation of me deciding to trust him, be annoyed, but still keep in mind I wanted to see him. I left the wedding around 10 and told him I was on my way home. He said he was out in a neighborhood relatively close to me with his brother and would come over.  Then I learned that getting his brother to leave the bar was kind of an issue (and, to be fair, I can’t judge this too harshly – his brother has some special needs).  And apparently, unbeknownst to me, THG’s brother insisted that he get driven to get dropped off at some chick’s place 1/2 hour away or more.  Apparently this was sort of a fluid situation and wasn’t the original plan. But, of course, he doesn’t do a good job communicating with me. So, he showed up nearly an hour after he said he would (sigh). He did explain. And we talked about that I just needed explanations most of the times, and silence makes me worse.  And he acknowledged he’s terrible with time and with communication (no surprise), but said he would work on it.

And, I let him stay over. Sex wasn’t as crazy as the past times, but it was still excellent (I was tired).  We have great chemistry and I just like touching him. I didn’t freak out like I did when the other guy stayed over. But I did have trouble falling asleep. I think since I had been up past my usual bedtime, it was made worse. And then I started thinking about sleep, which doesn’t help. Eventually I took a sleeping pill. That knocked me out. But I never felt panicky or wanted him gone. I just wanted to sleep. And I wasn’t annoyed by him in the morning (a big deal to me…I get very annoyed when I wake up and someone is there).

So, we’ll see. He told me he predicted in a month, we’ll be hanging out a few times a week. But we both agreed we suck at relationships, so we’re not going to worry about that.  I guess THG is back…we’ll see how long this lasts.

Is “poly” code for “I’m incredibly needy and need constant attention from anyone I speak to”?

I’m beginning to think so.  I’ve been out with some poly-identified guys in relationships and each one of them has ended the date with “ok, let’s get together in the next week”. Like, dude, you have a girlfriend, this isn’t serious, we don’t need to see each other every 3 days.  Against my better judgement, I get a message ostensibly from a couple who want a 3rd. She’s absolutely sexy in the girl next door way.  I can’t see much of him, but from what I can see, he’s attractive.  He starts messaging. At first it’s fun, flirty.  I’m trying to find out what they want, he says they are more poly, but just open and into having fun. Sounds good to me.  I’m liking what I’m hearing, learn they are moving to my city and I offer to go for drinks, no pressure.  And then this morning’s messages start.  There is nothing per se wrong with the messages…except that when I had to deal with some stuff (normal, handyman-necessary stuff) for THIRTY MINUTES, I look back and I have a series of messages of “why have you gone silent on me? did I say something wrong?”. To which I responded that no, I just had stuff to deal with. Then I get the “I’m so sorry to hear that. I hope you are ok”. And I’m like “nothing serious, just headache.”  And then a series of messages and messages. And I’m walking, it’s sunny, I can’t really read my phone…so I don’t. And it’s the same fricking thing about going silent on him!!! It had been like a half hour.

So…delete. I mean, if you’re this needy BEFORE we meet, what are you like after we meet and possibly been naked together? I don’t have time for that neediness.  If I wanted that, I wouldn’t be proudly single. And can we just say “needy” if we mean needy and not code it in “poly”?

FINALLY naked time

Awhile back (maybe even June), I went out with a charming Canadian who had recently had a vasectomy…that wasn’t healed. So we had a charming, flirty date until he started fidgeting and said he had to go (I knew the situation).  He’s a committed non-monogamous guy and I felt we had a flirty friendship without much potential for deep attachment brewing. Perfect.  So we set up another date and he really thought he’d be able to at least engage in oral…but he wasn’t healing well and he didn’t even want to risk an erection b/c of the pain.  So we went to a movie I wanted to see anyway and it was lovely and flirty. Then he was out of town, and I was out of town, and schedules weren’t lining up…

Finally we found a time that lined up! Tonight! He could stop by on his way home from being out of town.  He’s not 100% healed, but he thought oral would work.  It was kind of an interesting dynamic. Definitely like, ok, we’re friends and we’re going to get naked and do stuff to each other and laugh…

He went down on me and used my favorite glass dildo to make me squirt all over.  It was very satisfying. I knew he didn’t feel he had had a good blow job in a long long long time, so I felt pressure was on.  He was craving one and I’ve always thought that blow jobs were one of my skills…but no one says “you’re only ok at that”, so who knows.  But I could tell right away he was digging my style.  And then my dogs start barking at the bedroom door because one of my cats was by the door and the dogs were upset at the cat or some kind of dog logic.  Anyway, he couldn’t concentrate and I think I got up 3 times to get the dogs to, you know, let us have sex.

He finally came and he has texted me that it was deeply satisfying, so I feel like that was a good assessment of my skills 🙂

He and I don’t have sizzling chemistry, but we have fun, flirty, honest chemistry and that’s a really good person to have in my, uh, lineup. And while it wasn’t crazy sex, it was good and a very relaxing orgasm.  And I think I needed that.

“I’m done”

No…not with my slutty dating ways. Or at least I hope I’m not done with that.  But with a couple of the guys I’ve been keeping in my rotation options. Yesterday was a purging of sorts.

First is the guy who spent the night a couple weeks ago. I noticed that I’ve been feeling less enamored with him. I didn’t know if it was anything in particular, or just feeling like he wanted more than me or what. But I was certainly willing to keep him around in theory. He came over last Tuesday before I had something to do, grabbed dinner. It was quick and fine. I mean, most 27 yr old guys would use the 50 minutes to fuck me, but he seemed nervous about that. So…ok. Fine.

I’ve had a cold and with that, a chronic issue (typically controlled in me) has come up. And it is frustrating to me and brings me back to the time in my life before it was diagnosed where I felt truly hopeless. So I am admittedly not in the best place in my emotional life.  He was asking how I was feeling, and I explained all this. Told him about the condition, what it was called, how it was normally treated. Now, mind you, as far as I can tell, there are only 2 specialists in the US that diagnose this condition and I have mentioned it to countless medical professionals and no one else has heard of it.  His response to me was a joke about making me go paleo to cure it.

I’m a vegetarian, closer to vegan. I have done a few food elimination diets that were hard core. I have done food sensitive (not just allergy) testing. I know a lot about what diet works for me. And I also know that a lot of the hype around Paleo isn’t backed up by science. So my response (internally) to that text as “FUCK OFF. I FEEL LIKE CRAP, I’M DEPRESSED, AND YOU’RE SUGGESTING I DON’T KNOW HOW TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF WHEN YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT WHAT I’VE DONE TO GET THIS UNDER CONTROL.”

I sent a nicer version of that, saying maybe it’s not a good idea to comment on someone’s chronic condition when you don’t know what it is and what they have done to try to get it under control and that’s the fastest way to piss me off.

I guess I could have been nicer, but I really feel like everyone should be smart enough to tread lightly when it comes to commenting on someone’s medical situation with anything more than “I’m sorry” or “that sounds hard” or whatever. His response was a rant, implying he knows all about the condition (um, no he doesn’t. he’s making that shit up), and how if I don’t like him, don’t text him, and maybe I should just block him. blah blah blah. So I deleted his messages. And I have no interested in contacting him back.

Then the guy I was supposed to go out with last night (was going to see Saturday, but had to cancel due to my cold) cancelled last night b/c of family emergency stuff (that sounds legit).  So I told Trump Hat Guy he could come over if he was around.  Around 8:15, he texts, asks if he can come over. I asked timing – he said an hour, tops.  So I said he could. 9:15 comes around, nothing. So I ask him what’s up by text. Nothing. Another 15-20 min, I send a “?”. Then 20 min later, I just text him and say “I had fun when we hung out, but I’m done. Good luck.”  Nothing since then. I don’t think he was fucking with me when he said he would come over. My guess is that either something work related or other woman related came up and he didn’t feel like he could text me and say that. Which, if he had, I would have been annoyed, but ok with it.  But the no text ain’t a game I’m playing anymore. I did a bit with him b/c the chemistry and sex was so good. But nope. I mean, to be fair, I didn’t delete him off my phone and if I had a situation where he might be a perfect 3rd, I’d probably ask. But, despite actually kind of liking him, I don’t play games. I’m straightforward. You’re either straightforward with me or you’re not. I have no energy for the games.

So, I booted the two guys who I would consider letting stay over and am back to just new guys or guys who I know wouldn’t stay over. That’s fine. It’s easier that way.