Coercion is not consent

I will write more on this later, but COERCION IS NOT CONSENT

 

It is fucking infantilizing and dehumanizing if a man thinks a woman doesn’t know if she wants sex or not.

And it is rape.
This is the best takedown of Aziz Ansari’s problematic as fuck and rapey statement that I’ve seen: https://twitter.com/studentactivism/status/952764109631746048

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Felt kinda like college…

Because I had all these weird boundaries in college re: what was acceptable and not sexually.

Last night I met up with this guy I had been talking to for a long time. He lives in another state, but comes to my city for business, and he seemed nice and fun.  I’d had the terrible night of men on Saturday, so I was hoping for normal last night.

I arrived at the bar and he looked like his pics, although his teeth sort of bugged me. They were clean and cared for, but too small for his mouth. But when he didn’t smile, he was super hot. So I was on the fence initially (I rarely am on the fence).  But he was really nice. Really normal. Really complimentary. And I knew he had a dick injury from too much jacking off, so sex was off the table, but he was open to pleasuring me. So I decided to go back to his hotel room.

The kissing was surprisingly good. And he undressed me and, like most guys, was pretty gaga over my breasts (they aren’t small. At all).  And he was beyond complimentary re: almost everything else. My (post-holiday fat thighs even got a shout out…So did my ears!)

And he did manage to get me off several times, as I soaked his bed completely. And there was something pretty hot about being totally naked while he was (mostly) dressed and taking care of me and I could just be lazy.

I’m fine that he doesn’t live in town. He’s not the type of guy I want to see several times a month. But he was definitely worth the uber to see him and it was really nice to end the weekend with a normal guy.

3 “dates” in less than 8 hours and no sex…

Yesterday’s dates started with meeting up with a guy I’ve been talking to for 2+ years and have never met. Nothing happened to not meet, we’d just be chatting and lose touch. And he seemed mostly into group situations and I didn’t know if he even liked sex outside of that…but somehow we kept ending up chatting some more and this week he said “I like our chats. I hope I can fuck you after some hot guy cums in you, but either way we should be friends”…which was kinda cool. It’s nice when a super kinky guy can see me as a person who has more to offer than just an open mind and open legs. So yesterday (finally) we met. Prior to meeting, he warned me he was in no shape to fuck (which I did appreciate. A good way not to take it personally is to hear in advance fucking is off the table). I knew he’d been up all night in some crazy sex situation, so I wasn’t surprised.

So we just met for coffee…and winded up talking for almost 3 hours before he had to leave because he hadn’t eaten all day and I was about to burst bc I needed to pee so badly (but our conversation had been so easy and flowing, that I didn’t want to take a break in it). First off, he was hot. No surprise bc a guy who isn’t hot probably doesn’t get the opportunity to be a stunt stud for couples and get invited into orgies, etc. But he was attractive. Even with him feeling like shit and barely sleeping, hot. But we just could go from talking about politics to work to group sex and rape culture and how racist white people are and how gross it is…It was just easy.  So I was feeling good about the day when we left. I messaged later and he responded right away, so I think we’ll hook up sometime and hopefully be friends too.

Then I went to my date that night…the guy looked quite a bit heavier than in his pics. Which might have been ok (it is January), but he was clearly already drunk. I was 2 min late to the date, so there was really no excuse to already be drunk. He was slurring his words and gesturing in that wide way drunk people do.  But I stuck it out for a drink. He was clearly into me. Indeed, he was drunk enough to do a complete head to toe intake of me when I walked in. And he started getting touchy feely right away. Which I would have enjoyed if I liked him. But I didn’t.

So as I was finishing up my drink, I was thinking through the scenarios. Should I reject him in the bar? Go outside and make it clear he wasn’t coming home with me…and when I thought about the latter scenario, I had this feeling that he might not take it well and might follow me or hurt me. I decided to listen to my instincts and told him in the bar that I wasn’t feeling chemistry and that I was happy to pick up the tab since he’d come to my neighborhood and he didn’t need to stick around to wait for it. So he asked if it was ok if he left. And I said he could. He was out of their in a split second.

As I was waiting to pay, I got a message from this other guy who had looked super hot in pics and he was leaving dinner. So, since I was up, I was like “yes, let’s meet”. Since it was cold and as he was messaging, I had decided to leave the bar, I said he could just come over and we could see.

He texted as he was pulling up so I went to the building door to let him in and my one dog came with me…the look on this guy’s face was utter contempt for my dog. I knew then that unless his attitude dramatically changed, nothing would happen.

And nope. He was a persnickety (not that hot) dud. He kept complaining about my pets (like, wtf, they’re my pets, we aren’t doing this to date. Just fuck if all goes well. Who cares that I have pets?). And that my place was a mess (again, who cares. I am in the middle of major reorganization and stuff is out. If that is something you’re worried about at 11:30, that’s just weird). So I said there was no chemistry and we didn’t need to pretend there was. He then proceeded to tell me all the reasons he didn’t want to fuck me. Like…why do I care that a scrawny guy who isn’t hot and has a stick up his ass in a not fun way doesn’t want to fuck me?

So then…he demanded I pay for an uber! I did, but jesus. Part of the cost of dating is transportation. I just wanted to get rid of him though and for $6, I could. And that was worth it. As he was leaving he was whining some more. God. What a turd.

So, tonight trying to decide if I want to meet this guy who I have been talking to awhile who is in town. Or see if another guy is available. Or just stay home.

A good end to the year

The week before xmas was crazy at work – it was about an 80-90 hour week.  On Wednesday, I got a text from Yummy Guy asking if I could swing by his office (which I’ve never done), but work just didn’t let me get out in time and then he was off to visit family for the holidays (definitely asking for a raincheck on the office sex tho…)

I’d dismissed the young Cub as being creepy after he turned on me and tried to get me to be a Sugar Mama to him. I don’t pay for sex. I don’t need to. I took this week off work and on Wednesday I met up with another young guy who seemed pretty fun and definitely hot.  I had a very difficult time judging things with him.  He was nice enough, but wasn’t great at eye contact and I wasn’t sure if he was interested. In fact, shortly before we left the bar, I texted a friend while he was in the bathroom and said we wouldn’t be hooking up.  But then…he walked with me home. And I let him come in.  He was really hot and had a very sexy voice.  So we had some drinks and he still made basically no moves on me. When we finished them, I kissed him – figuring he was in my place, so he must be interested. And somehow that ignited chemistry I just didn’t think was there.

What followed was at least a solid hour, if not longer, of pure sex. He had skills beyond his years and had clearly listened to what I said I liked.  His dick was perfectly suited for my g spot and he was quite good with his fingers.  My bed was completely completely soaked at the end. He loved that and I had many orgasms.

I wasn’t quite sure if he might see this as a one time thing (but after the sex, I am definitely game for a continuing thing).  But he messaged a bunch yesterday and definitely expressed interest in seeing me again.

Then, on my way to drinks with friends last night, I got a text from Yummy Guy that he was back in town and could he see me that night. Since I was meeting for early drinks, I figured 2 1/2 hours for drinks followed by sex would work perfect (and also worked for him).  I offered to go over to his place (I’d never been) since I was out, not too far out of my way from where I thought he lived, and my place is in the midst of being organized and I had stuff all over my bed (I did warn him I didn’t have sexy underwear on for him, but he took me up on the offer of coming over).

He answered in his boxer briefs and tshirt and looked (as always) amazing.  I felt a little gross. I’d indulged in nachos at lunch and, well, it’s the holidays.  But as he was undressing me, he told me that he was so into my body and absolutely loves it.  Right before he said that, I was thinking about how I hate hooking up after wearing jeans b/c I hate the way they cut into my waist…he didn’t seem to care. At all.

So we had (as always) intense sex.  And then spent a couple hours talking about just random stuff. About an hour after I got there, he let me know it was his birthday…which made me feel pretty great that he chose me for his birthday night plans 🙂 And he turned down a friend texting him to go out even after we’d had sex. We seem to be in a good rhythm. I’m fine with seeing him a couple/few times a month. He seems equally fine with that. I think we’re on the same page with everything – we genuinely enjoy each other for more than just the sex. But we also seem to just have that chemistry that doesn’t happen often.  It was interesting having the back to back great sex. The guy on Wednesday, from a technical perspective, probably was better than Yummy Guy (at least comparing Wednesday to Thursday). But I wasn’t buzzing after seeing him in the same way I was after Yummy Guy.

Hopefully this is a good sign for 2018…

A new cub…

As much as I hate the cougar moniker, I think cub applies here. Because he really does look young (he’s 24) and he really does look so adorable. But he’s still sooooo sexy and I think there is good potential.

I’ve been messaging Cub for almost a month.  He started messaging me right before I went on my trip, then I got back and he was out of town, then I was for work…and now I’m swamped at work. He’s bi, and I love bi guys, and he seems so sweet and eager.  So finally he swung by yesterday afternoon when I was working and I took a break. I don’t normally love the “just come over and hookup” as a first meet. But sometimes, it’s the only thing that is going to work.

My first impression when he showed up was “god he looks young. But those lips. THOSE LIPS”.  So we went to my room and didn’t talk much before we were kissing. And damn. He is an amazing kisser. Like one of the best kissers I’ve kissed. And of course we end up naked and he was kind of on top of me while I sucked his cock and he played with my pussy, which he was also really really really good at.

But then when we went to fuck, he lost his erection. He got it back after I sucked on him some more, but that was kind of weird. I don’t know if he was just nervous or what.

So I wasn’t sure what to think when he left. I was definitely down to do it again b/c what he did do in terms of kissing and fingering me, he did SO well. But then I wasn’t sure what he thought about me and all that. But I got a text this morning gushing about how amazing I am.

So we’ll see. I am sure I’ll see him again. Whether it turns into something regular kind of depends on whether he can actually stay erect while fucking me. I mean, the other stuff is fun, but not enough for ongoing.

Back in town and it’s so good to see Yummy Guy

I was sick and then out of the country for awhile, and got back, very jetlagged, a little under a week ago. I’ve been talking to some potentially interesting guys, but one is out of town now that I’m back. Meeting another one tonight for dinner. And that’s probably it for a few weeks as work will be crazy up until xmas.

Luckily, Yummy Guy was able to come over last night. I was a little nervous to ask b/c I have my period and we hadn’t discussed his feelings about period sex (luckily he was down for it).  There’s not much to say that I haven’t said before. He’s so hot. He’s so nice. He’s so funny. And even if I’m feeling gross and fat, he looks at me like I’m so delicious and that he can’t get enough of staring at my body.  I’d gotten a super cheap, slutty body suit (I think I paid $8 for it), and he just kept telling me how amazing I looked in it.  In fact, it never came off. He just shoved it aside as needed.

Now on to a new guy tonight. Hopefully he’s just as fun.

 

Can’t decide how I feel…

On Friday, I met a guy I had canceled on a few times b/c I had a cold.  OF COURSE, Friday, Yummy Guy texted and asked if I was available that night, but alas, I didn’t want to cancel on this super nice guy who had to think I was already fake, yet again. So no Yummy Guy, tho he would have definitely been more fun.

We really hadn’t talked much about sex in messaging. I just had a good feeling about him, he seemed nice and interesting, so I figured I wanted to meet him. I showed up and Nice Guy was much more attractive than I expected him to be, so that’s a good start.  And the conversation seemed to flow easily, though I know I was talking a lot. But sometimes I really don’t care if I seem to make it all about me because, honestly, this type of dating is all kind of all about me.

After a couple hours of talking and some drinks, we decided to get the check. He insisted on paying, which was sweet. And asked if he could walk me home. I figured that was a good sign in terms of interest, but when we got to my place, he seemed kind of hesitant. So I kissed him. And he definitely kissed back. The kissing was actually really really good. So I invited him in, and he eagerly accepted.

But this is where it was…meh. The kissing before we got naked was quite good. No surprise. And he looked good as he was getting naked and even better naked…

He had warned me as we were getting into it that he was “out of practice”…and I guess that was true. I was just starting to get into some kind of rhythm and he came. Sigh. Probably all of 5 minutes. And he didn’t go down on me or anything after.

I think he’s just kind of inexperienced with sex. He said he was in a long-term relationship and I wonder if she was his main partner and it’s been awhile since sex as an act that needs attention for just SEX has been a thing he does. He seems open, but…inexperienced.

So I don’t know. He’s cute. He’s sweet. He’s respectful.  He has a nice dick. But I don’t know if I want to train him.