Definitely a fun week

Work has been pretty busy lately and I’ve had a fair amount of stress, so I’ve taken a teeny tiny step back to try to have some fun (I’m writing this between paperwork I have to finish for my real life and work).  I had a surprisingly good date/sex on Wednesday and on Thursday a guy that had grabbed my interest asked about meeting up.  In retrospect (after last night’s date), I’m not sure what it was that I found all that interesting about him. But I had a good gut feel that we would get along.  He was new to online dating and said I was the first person he had even talked to.  We agreed on last night and even tho we were meeting a little later than my morning-self likes to meet (only 8:30, but I’m not a night person!), I didn’t want to reschedule  I wanted to meet.

I told him the part of the city I live in and he suggested my favorite nearby bar, so that seemed to be a good sign.  I got there a couple min before him, found a seat at the bar, and was a little nervous.  He had asked me out before he saw my face (my online pics don’t show my face) and I was a little nervous that after he saw my pics, maybe he didn’t know how to say “I’m not interested” (not that I get that a lot, but it happens, and that’s fine – we’re talking about sex. We need to be attracted to each other).  And in his pics, he looks pretty hot, had a great job, and all around seemed like a guy with options. So when he walked in and after the initial introduction, immediately said “you look good”, I kind of breathed a sigh of relief.  Conversation was easy and, being the awful flirt that I am (or think I am), I was trying to make some contact with my knee against his leg, but I wasn’t getting much physical touch in return, so I was slightly concerned.  But then he suggested we take it to another bar (my favorite was oddly loud), so we decided to go to my 2nd favorite bar down the street. It was already late-ish (for me), like 10:30, but I was really enjoying myself.

I *assumed* he was into me when we were going to the next bar…but it was raining, he didn’t make any attempt to touch me, and I was telling him this story of a bad date where he asked me on a 2nd that interested me in topic, but not in company, and he started to say we should do the date in question…and then stopped himself and just said “you should go do that sometime.” So, mixed signals. But then when we got to the next bar, he became a little more clear. My sundress had a small opening at the low back that he kept touching and when I told him I had never seen Game of Thrones, he invited me to watch it with him any time. So at this point, the question for me was just whether he was going to feel comfortable with sex on a first date or, being new to internet dating, would feel he had to wait. We had a drink and decided to leave, which I was fine with as it was 11:30 or so, but I also was really enjoying talking with him and flirting with him and didn’t want the night to end. (Which, again, weird for me. I like to be asleep by 11:30)

We stepped out of the bar and it was pouring. He asked me what I wanted to do and I said “I don’t mind getting wet”, he agreed, so we started walking towards my place holding hands. And he finally kissed me. I was kind of waiting for it at bar 2, but it was pretty perfect in the rain. He was a very gentle kisser and I started thinking what his lips would feel like elsewhere…along the way, we stopped a few more times to make out and he commented how hot I looked in my dress (at this point, it was totally soaked and clinging everywhere…and I wasn’t wearing a bra).

I still didn’t know if he’d come in when we got to my place, but he made a joke about getting out of his wet clothes and I said “maybe you should”, so…that was that. It was decided.

Of course my dogs and cats decided last night was the night they all wanted cuddles, but he had a good attitude about it and the sex was still hot.  Unlike my usual M/O, I had not discussed with him any particular sexual interests, so I was going into it more blind than usual.  Pretty much right away, he dove into ass play (pretty literally), which I do love, and he was great at it.  So when he asked if I wanted him to fuck my ass, I said yes (which I haven’t done since my 4some).  And…it was amazing.  He was very good at it and I came pretty quickly.  Then we moved along to fucking and oral and more fucking….and finally I had to tell him I was exhausted…so he got dressed into his wet clothes and I decided to stay naked…I was helping him find his socks as he was waiting for the uber, walking ahead of him when he bent me over my bed and started licking me again and then started fucking me and had to cancel his uber.  It was pretty hot. And since I have a long-standing issue of feeling self-conscious about my ass, I liked hearing from him that my ass just looked too delicious and he needed more time with it (he also talked more about how perfect my boobs are, but I’ve never worried that guys don’t like my chest).  So, eventually he actually got an uber and left, we talked about doing this again, I’ve given him my number, we’ve exchanged “last night was fun” texts today…

I still can’t figure out why I thought I’d like him, but it was probably one of the best nights I’ve had in awhile. I am ridiculously tired today, but it was totally worth it.

 

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Damn…I needed that

I have been kind of off dating/sex for a few weeks. Trump Hat Guy ghosted and I had a few no shows. Then I was traveling a lot and didn’t want to deal…but in the past couple weeks, I’ve felt more open to meeting people again.  I started messaging today’s date, I’ll call him…Cat b/c his name is actually one of my cat’s names (my cats have human names).  So, Cat and I started messaging Friday or so last week when I was traveling.  At first it was that stilted boring messaging, but I mentioned that I thought straight-ish guys having sex was super hot…and the next day he messaged me to tell me about the night before when he met up with a guy and had, well, hot sex.  Of course this piqued my interest. What can I say…I like what I like.  And the messaging sort of continued from there. We were really just clicking…sexually, but also just I liked our communication vibe. I was out of town last weekend, so we finally met today.  I think I had expectations…we’d clicked so well, but you never know.

I actually went over to his place and we went for a walk, grabbed some Bloody Mary’s, and it was all comfortable. I didn’t feel insane chemistry, but I liked him. He isn’t exactly my type, but he was cute. And I certainly wasn’t unattracted.  Over Bloody Mary’s, he told me that he had been in a bad motorcycle accident. I asked if he still had any issues with it…and that’s when I learned his leg was actually amputated. Hadn’t even noticed (and weirdly, after talking to him for an hour or two, and several hours of sex, I only AFTER noticed he was missing a couple fingers on one hand). Anyway, that’s not really a big deal, just interesting.

We went back to his place and were just hanging out with drinks. I was thinking…I like talking to him, but so far, despite very explicit conversations, he’s not making any moves. I was wondering what the deal was. But then when he came back from grabbing another drink, he started kissing me.  And it was hot. It was like, instant physical compatibility. It just worked.  Eventually we got to his bedroom and I don’t even know what happened, but it was the best sex I’ve had in close to a year. Everything just worked. I even found a new type of orgasm…it was kind of like a g spot orgasm, but I just kept cumming and cumming for 5-10 minutes at least. And his bed was beyond soaked.  Toys were involved, I pegged him, he ate me out with a dildo in me (beyond amazing)…I need to check for bruises and bite marks. He was dominant in a good way…I am almost never satiated sexually. I have a lot of stamina and like to just keep going. I was just done, but we had probably had sex for 3 hours, I’m guessing.

So, yeah. I needed that.  And I’m sure I’ll be seeing him again. Oh, and he is a HUGE Hillary fan. Not just a reluctant supporter. Hot.

 

 

 

Since I brought up online dating… 

It seems like I’m noticing more of the ridiculous. These don’t bother me, but people are so clueless.

First, no… That quite literally is a car (I mention that I don’t understand why all the car pics in profiles and they seem like men are compensating). And this guy is quite outside my age range. And eww. 

Second, it’s quite possible (and actually, true story, is the case) that I’m both a real person and find you uninteresting and unattractive (and I still haven’t figured or why it shows me always online, but I figure it’s an app setting I haven’t figured out)

Shockingly (sarcasm), this initial message did not entice me

While I appreciate the concern about STDs, and am all for asking about them, maybe engage me first. Problem # 1. #2 is that he assumes this is only about his pleasure. # 3 is telling me what to do. #4 assumes he is the only one who gets to choose whether he’s  interested. #5 is that he is outside my specified age range and assumes I’m fine with that. I’m not. #6 “your”

Is “poly” code for “I’m incredibly needy and need constant attention from anyone I speak to”?

I’m beginning to think so.  I’ve been out with some poly-identified guys in relationships and each one of them has ended the date with “ok, let’s get together in the next week”. Like, dude, you have a girlfriend, this isn’t serious, we don’t need to see each other every 3 days.  Against my better judgement, I get a message ostensibly from a couple who want a 3rd. She’s absolutely sexy in the girl next door way.  I can’t see much of him, but from what I can see, he’s attractive.  He starts messaging. At first it’s fun, flirty.  I’m trying to find out what they want, he says they are more poly, but just open and into having fun. Sounds good to me.  I’m liking what I’m hearing, learn they are moving to my city and I offer to go for drinks, no pressure.  And then this morning’s messages start.  There is nothing per se wrong with the messages…except that when I had to deal with some stuff (normal, handyman-necessary stuff) for THIRTY MINUTES, I look back and I have a series of messages of “why have you gone silent on me? did I say something wrong?”. To which I responded that no, I just had stuff to deal with. Then I get the “I’m so sorry to hear that. I hope you are ok”. And I’m like “nothing serious, just headache.”  And then a series of messages and messages. And I’m walking, it’s sunny, I can’t really read my phone…so I don’t. And it’s the same fricking thing about going silent on him!!! It had been like a half hour.

So…delete. I mean, if you’re this needy BEFORE we meet, what are you like after we meet and possibly been naked together? I don’t have time for that neediness.  If I wanted that, I wouldn’t be proudly single. And can we just say “needy” if we mean needy and not code it in “poly”?

I use kik. That’s my rule.

I recognize there is some risk inherent in how I approach things.  I meet someone out, sometimes even let them come directly to my place, and I end up alone with them. If someone was charming enough and my radar down enough, it could be a problem. That’s just how it is. But I also figure that I’m hyper-attuned to anything that seems off. And even if a guy was a friend of a friend (or even a close friend!), he could be a rapist.But one small thing I do is that I use kik to message to exchange face pics and any other pics. Kik, for those who might not know, is a messaging app. It works just like text messaging, but you have a username you pick, so there is no exchange of more information than whatever you share to exchange.

I started this after one guy wouldn’t take no for an answer from texting and he kept texting me.  And then when I blocked him on my phone, he started messaging me through the dating app. Then when I blocked him there, he got a new number and started texting me. All we had done was exchange 3-4 messages. And he gave me a creepy vibe and I said I wasn’t interested.

I figure if he had wanted to (and maybe he did), he probably could have found out a whole lot more about me with my number and $20 or $50.  I don’t want to deal with that stress, so I use kik.

About 85% of men who contact me have a kik account. That’s lovely. About 10% of those who don’t are willing to set one up when I say I don’t exchange #s for safety reasons. And then there are the 5% who would rather not talk more than set up an account because they value having fewer apps in their life. Mind you, they are often quick to suggest I jump through email hoops to set up a throwaway account. But they won’t set up the app.

I don’t meet these men. If you can’t appreciate that I minimize risk where I can and understand why I do that, you probably suck as a partner. Interestingly, most of these men are roughly 38-50.  “My” age range.

Millennials get a bad rap. But they seriously are so much more respectful of consent and safety concerns than Gen X as a whole.

(anyway, just was starting to message someone who refused to use kik and didn’t respect my boundaries. Good riddance)

How NOT to impress me…

This morning, I had a message from a guy about my age who appeared attractive, had a cute dog, message was normal enough…I responded.

And I have gotten 3 lengthy responses back. Along with “let’s meet tonight”.  Mind you, all I sent was a message saying hi, asking how he was doing, and saying I don’t text with someone I haven’t met yet (use kik instead). And he pukes up a crap ton of information to me.

I’m sure some women like that. I find it a little…”chill out, dude. If I want a wall of text, I’ll open a work email.”  And I feel like this is often a problem with men my age and why I don’t seem to meet anyone my own age. Granted, a lot of men my age are coupled and they aren’t dating. So the pool is smaller.  But they take the limited information I give them in my profile and extract this whole thing about things I am interested in and they demonstrate that, far from an organic-developing casual thing, they want a BFF for life. Which I’m not looking for.

The worst example of this was a guy I was semi-set up with.  So, he had apparently messaged me. I’m not sure if I didn’t read his message b/c I didn’t open it or because I did open it and it was a wall of text.  But a guy I went out with a year or so ago messaged me and said he thought I would get along with this other guy. So I gave him a chance.  I’ll be honest, I barely looked at his profile or message before meeting…HE BROUGHT ME A PRINT OUT OF HIS ORIGINAL MESSAGE TO ME TO GIVE TO ME AFTER HE READ IT TO ME AT THE BAR.  Let’s put it this way, the message was at least twice as long as this blog post.

So guys, women…chill out at first. It’s great when you actually have something to be excited about to talk about. And I’m not advocating for boring-ass answers. But if you read your answer back and it is too fucking long…shorten it.