Damn…I needed that

I have been kind of off dating/sex for a few weeks. Trump Hat Guy ghosted and I had a few no shows. Then I was traveling a lot and didn’t want to deal…but in the past couple weeks, I’ve felt more open to meeting people again.  I started messaging today’s date, I’ll call him…Cat b/c his name is actually one of my cat’s names (my cats have human names).  So, Cat and I started messaging Friday or so last week when I was traveling.  At first it was that stilted boring messaging, but I mentioned that I thought straight-ish guys having sex was super hot…and the next day he messaged me to tell me about the night before when he met up with a guy and had, well, hot sex.  Of course this piqued my interest. What can I say…I like what I like.  And the messaging sort of continued from there. We were really just clicking…sexually, but also just I liked our communication vibe. I was out of town last weekend, so we finally met today.  I think I had expectations…we’d clicked so well, but you never know.

I actually went over to his place and we went for a walk, grabbed some Bloody Mary’s, and it was all comfortable. I didn’t feel insane chemistry, but I liked him. He isn’t exactly my type, but he was cute. And I certainly wasn’t unattracted.  Over Bloody Mary’s, he told me that he had been in a bad motorcycle accident. I asked if he still had any issues with it…and that’s when I learned his leg was actually amputated. Hadn’t even noticed (and weirdly, after talking to him for an hour or two, and several hours of sex, I only AFTER noticed he was missing a couple fingers on one hand). Anyway, that’s not really a big deal, just interesting.

We went back to his place and were just hanging out with drinks. I was thinking…I like talking to him, but so far, despite very explicit conversations, he’s not making any moves. I was wondering what the deal was. But then when he came back from grabbing another drink, he started kissing me.  And it was hot. It was like, instant physical compatibility. It just worked.  Eventually we got to his bedroom and I don’t even know what happened, but it was the best sex I’ve had in close to a year. Everything just worked. I even found a new type of orgasm…it was kind of like a g spot orgasm, but I just kept cumming and cumming for 5-10 minutes at least. And his bed was beyond soaked.  Toys were involved, I pegged him, he ate me out with a dildo in me (beyond amazing)…I need to check for bruises and bite marks. He was dominant in a good way…I am almost never satiated sexually. I have a lot of stamina and like to just keep going. I was just done, but we had probably had sex for 3 hours, I’m guessing.

So, yeah. I needed that.  And I’m sure I’ll be seeing him again. Oh, and he is a HUGE Hillary fan. Not just a reluctant supporter. Hot.




Since I brought up online dating… 

It seems like I’m noticing more of the ridiculous. These don’t bother me, but people are so clueless.

First, no… That quite literally is a car (I mention that I don’t understand why all the car pics in profiles and they seem like men are compensating). And this guy is quite outside my age range. And eww. 

Second, it’s quite possible (and actually, true story, is the case) that I’m both a real person and find you uninteresting and unattractive (and I still haven’t figured or why it shows me always online, but I figure it’s an app setting I haven’t figured out)

Shockingly (sarcasm), this initial message did not entice me

While I appreciate the concern about STDs, and am all for asking about them, maybe engage me first. Problem # 1. #2 is that he assumes this is only about his pleasure. # 3 is telling me what to do. #4 assumes he is the only one who gets to choose whether he’s  interested. #5 is that he is outside my specified age range and assumes I’m fine with that. I’m not. #6 “your”

Is “poly” code for “I’m incredibly needy and need constant attention from anyone I speak to”?

I’m beginning to think so.  I’ve been out with some poly-identified guys in relationships and each one of them has ended the date with “ok, let’s get together in the next week”. Like, dude, you have a girlfriend, this isn’t serious, we don’t need to see each other every 3 days.  Against my better judgement, I get a message ostensibly from a couple who want a 3rd. She’s absolutely sexy in the girl next door way.  I can’t see much of him, but from what I can see, he’s attractive.  He starts messaging. At first it’s fun, flirty.  I’m trying to find out what they want, he says they are more poly, but just open and into having fun. Sounds good to me.  I’m liking what I’m hearing, learn they are moving to my city and I offer to go for drinks, no pressure.  And then this morning’s messages start.  There is nothing per se wrong with the messages…except that when I had to deal with some stuff (normal, handyman-necessary stuff) for THIRTY MINUTES, I look back and I have a series of messages of “why have you gone silent on me? did I say something wrong?”. To which I responded that no, I just had stuff to deal with. Then I get the “I’m so sorry to hear that. I hope you are ok”. And I’m like “nothing serious, just headache.”  And then a series of messages and messages. And I’m walking, it’s sunny, I can’t really read my phone…so I don’t. And it’s the same fricking thing about going silent on him!!! It had been like a half hour.

So…delete. I mean, if you’re this needy BEFORE we meet, what are you like after we meet and possibly been naked together? I don’t have time for that neediness.  If I wanted that, I wouldn’t be proudly single. And can we just say “needy” if we mean needy and not code it in “poly”?

I use kik. That’s my rule.

I recognize there is some risk inherent in how I approach things.  I meet someone out, sometimes even let them come directly to my place, and I end up alone with them. If someone was charming enough and my radar down enough, it could be a problem. That’s just how it is. But I also figure that I’m hyper-attuned to anything that seems off. And even if a guy was a friend of a friend (or even a close friend!), he could be a rapist.But one small thing I do is that I use kik to message to exchange face pics and any other pics. Kik, for those who might not know, is a messaging app. It works just like text messaging, but you have a username you pick, so there is no exchange of more information than whatever you share to exchange.

I started this after one guy wouldn’t take no for an answer from texting and he kept texting me.  And then when I blocked him on my phone, he started messaging me through the dating app. Then when I blocked him there, he got a new number and started texting me. All we had done was exchange 3-4 messages. And he gave me a creepy vibe and I said I wasn’t interested.

I figure if he had wanted to (and maybe he did), he probably could have found out a whole lot more about me with my number and $20 or $50.  I don’t want to deal with that stress, so I use kik.

About 85% of men who contact me have a kik account. That’s lovely. About 10% of those who don’t are willing to set one up when I say I don’t exchange #s for safety reasons. And then there are the 5% who would rather not talk more than set up an account because they value having fewer apps in their life. Mind you, they are often quick to suggest I jump through email hoops to set up a throwaway account. But they won’t set up the app.

I don’t meet these men. If you can’t appreciate that I minimize risk where I can and understand why I do that, you probably suck as a partner. Interestingly, most of these men are roughly 38-50.  “My” age range.

Millennials get a bad rap. But they seriously are so much more respectful of consent and safety concerns than Gen X as a whole.

(anyway, just was starting to message someone who refused to use kik and didn’t respect my boundaries. Good riddance)

How NOT to impress me…

This morning, I had a message from a guy about my age who appeared attractive, had a cute dog, message was normal enough…I responded.

And I have gotten 3 lengthy responses back. Along with “let’s meet tonight”.  Mind you, all I sent was a message saying hi, asking how he was doing, and saying I don’t text with someone I haven’t met yet (use kik instead). And he pukes up a crap ton of information to me.

I’m sure some women like that. I find it a little…”chill out, dude. If I want a wall of text, I’ll open a work email.”  And I feel like this is often a problem with men my age and why I don’t seem to meet anyone my own age. Granted, a lot of men my age are coupled and they aren’t dating. So the pool is smaller.  But they take the limited information I give them in my profile and extract this whole thing about things I am interested in and they demonstrate that, far from an organic-developing casual thing, they want a BFF for life. Which I’m not looking for.

The worst example of this was a guy I was semi-set up with.  So, he had apparently messaged me. I’m not sure if I didn’t read his message b/c I didn’t open it or because I did open it and it was a wall of text.  But a guy I went out with a year or so ago messaged me and said he thought I would get along with this other guy. So I gave him a chance.  I’ll be honest, I barely looked at his profile or message before meeting…HE BROUGHT ME A PRINT OUT OF HIS ORIGINAL MESSAGE TO ME TO GIVE TO ME AFTER HE READ IT TO ME AT THE BAR.  Let’s put it this way, the message was at least twice as long as this blog post.

So guys, women…chill out at first. It’s great when you actually have something to be excited about to talk about. And I’m not advocating for boring-ass answers. But if you read your answer back and it is too fucking long…shorten it.

So I met the Trump hat guy…

And one of the first things he asked was “Hillary or Bernie” (and when I said Hillary, he “approved”…not that I needed his approval).  He did say he was going to go to a Trump rally, but he felt something bad was going to happen and left. It sounded like some of that was about curiosity, but maybe he actually likes him and knows there is no way a woman would?  But it was interesting.

But anyway, the date. Of COURSE, I would have mad chemistry with him. Of course. Part of me was hoping he’d just be a douchebag and I could move on.  But while he said he knows he can come off as a douchebag, he actually does care about people’s feelings and I did get that vibe from him. He was asking about my last relationship and in the course of talking about it, I said that 2013 was a bad year – now, part of the reason it was bad was because 2 pets died. Part of the reason it was bad was because I had health issues. Part of the reason it was bad was because all the rape culture stuff was starting to become discussed a lot and it was dredging up a lot of feelings I needed to deal with about my own history being raped. So, when he asked about why 2013 was bad, I said “I really don’t feel like I want to get into that right now”, he was very respectful and said that he hopes I am eventually comfortable and that he’d like to hear. And it seemed completely genuine.  That’s just one example.  There were other things like that.

So, anyway, I think he’s actually a genuinely nice guy. Probably. He was the nicest any guy has been with my pets, and I felt like he genuinely wanted to know more about me.  And, while I was not impressed by his style (come on…basketball shorts and t-shirt? What are we? 27? oh wait…um yeah), I had one of the better conversations I’ve had with someone. And the chemistry was definitely there.  Definitely.  And he said several times he wanted this to be ongoing.

So, ugh. Yes, of course Trump hat guy has a beautiful face (I’m really into faces…and was much much better than his photos), of course he seems interested in talking to me about me, of course he offers to help me with some social media things related to stuff I care about (he has over 200k twitter followers O.o ),  of course we have mad chemistry, and of course he’s super kinky.

He’s also 27 and has a Trump hat. F*CK!