Just not feeling it

One of the promises I’ve made to myself and have mentioned before that I’m not going to worry about my “number” as long as, among other things like being safe, I’m having sex I really want to be having. Now, how I define this is up to me, of course. But it definitely involves being in the moment with the person, being excited, not being bored…

So yesterday I met a guy who had seemed like maybe he could break my recent streak of just not being interested in guys older than 31/32. He was 38, but seemed to be really open sexually, good attitude, active, etc.  He did send me one naked pic of his entire body. I noticed he didn’t look fully hard, but whatever. He said he had taken it that morning and I figured he might not have been and that’s fine.  He did appear to have a nice body.

So we agree to meet in the late morning at a park near his place.  He was going to a music fest later that day,  and I get up early, so timing was fine for me.  He said to meet him by the tennis courts…well, I get to the park and wander around awhile and message him that I have no idea where to go for the tennis courts. He asks where I am – I said I was in the prairie grass section – and he says he’ll come find me.  I’m standing there in this kind of hidden area, and he comes walking up, says my name, doesn’t really smile (more on this later), and when we kind of do the greeting kiss cheek/hug, he starts making out with me. I kind of like the confidence and he is a good kisser, so I went with it. Pretty soon, we’re groping and stuff and the kissing is still very good. I kind of notice he doesn’t seem to be hard, but we are in a public-ish place and maybe he’s shy.  We decide to go back to his place and the walk there (only a few blocks) is a little awkward. First, I really dislike his voice. Second, he still won’t smile at all. I guess I like some smiling.  But the kissing was good, so, I’ll see how it goes.  We go into his apartment and it’s kind of messy, but that’s fine. I’m not too tidy. And he makes me take off my shoes. Um…that’s totally fine, I don’t mind, but his place is NOT the kind of apartment where one has to take off shoes. And he puts on shower shoes.  Oh, I should also mention that when he met me in the park, he had no shirt on. Which is fine. And while he has a nice body, it’s nice. It’s not “oh my, new guy  is moving into the neighborhood and I want to sit and watch him move” nice. But he’s clearly very very proud of it.

So we’re making out, naked by this point. And he’s still only partly hard. Maybe and that’s being generous. I go down on him awhile and still almost nothing is happening. Like, I’m understanding of erectile issues. It happens. Not a big deal, but here’s the thing…*most* guys who are in that moment take it to try to at least make me happy. Nope. He sort of acts like my pussy is kryptonite. He looks at it. Seems to like it and makes happy sounds (oh,. he barely spoke, which is just as well b/c I don’t like his voice). But not a finger, let alone a mouth, to be had doing anything to it.  He gets up to go to the bathroom and I’m thinking I’m super bored. I figure I’ll give it a chance when he comes back – maybe he really really had to pee and that somehow was interfering with him getting hard (what do I know about that?)
But he comes back and he’s still acting like I don’t even have a pussy and wants me to go down on him again. At this point, I’m like totally checked out. So I just said “You know, I’m not really feeling this to be honest.” Of course he agrees, b/c they always do once it comes up (and maybe he wasn’t either…) and he keeps kissing me. I’m like, “dude, the ‘i’m not feeling it’ isn’t ‘we should make out more'”. So I get up and get dressed and he kisses me more. I’m confused. But I leave, look at my phone, and I have messages from 4 guys. I did hope to see one of the many suitors yesterday, but timing just didn’t work out.

This was my first time calling off hooking up in the middle of things just b/c no chemistry. It was a big mental hurdle and I’m glad I cleared it.  Of course, I wish there had been chemistry. But there isn’t always.  But damn…I am feeling like I could use some good sex soon. At the moment, I have up to 5 dates for this coming week (but will have my period, so we’ll see how those go),  so hopefully this not so great sex drought will end soon.