I recognize there is some risk inherent in how I approach things. I meet someone out, sometimes even let them come directly to my place, and I end up alone with them. If someone was charming enough and my radar down enough, it could be a problem. That’s just how it is. But I also figure that I’m hyper-attuned to anything that seems off. And even if a guy was a friend of a friend (or even a close friend!), he could be a rapist.But one small thing I do is that I use kik to message to exchange face pics and any other pics. Kik, for those who might not know, is a messaging app. It works just like text messaging, but you have a username you pick, so there is no exchange of more information than whatever you share to exchange.
I started this after one guy wouldn’t take no for an answer from texting and he kept texting me. And then when I blocked him on my phone, he started messaging me through the dating app. Then when I blocked him there, he got a new number and started texting me. All we had done was exchange 3-4 messages. And he gave me a creepy vibe and I said I wasn’t interested.
I figure if he had wanted to (and maybe he did), he probably could have found out a whole lot more about me with my number and $20 or $50. I don’t want to deal with that stress, so I use kik.
About 85% of men who contact me have a kik account. That’s lovely. About 10% of those who don’t are willing to set one up when I say I don’t exchange #s for safety reasons. And then there are the 5% who would rather not talk more than set up an account because they value having fewer apps in their life. Mind you, they are often quick to suggest I jump through email hoops to set up a throwaway account. But they won’t set up the app.
I don’t meet these men. If you can’t appreciate that I minimize risk where I can and understand why I do that, you probably suck as a partner. Interestingly, most of these men are roughly 38-50. “My” age range.
Millennials get a bad rap. But they seriously are so much more respectful of consent and safety concerns than Gen X as a whole.
(anyway, just was starting to message someone who refused to use kik and didn’t respect my boundaries. Good riddance)