I was just asked this on a dating app by someone I didn’t feel like responding to. It’s what I’ve decided (for now) to label myself where sex is on the table.
The easy answer is…I consider myself “straight”, but human attraction and chemistry isn’t based solely on genitalia, so if I’m attracted to a woman, that’s completely understandable and, if the attraction is mutual, there is no reason not to act on it.
So why don’t I go with “bi”? well, I don’t think I’ve earned that. Not because of lack of experience. But because I haven’t had to identify that way to anyone outside my bedroom. I get all the benefits of being heterosexual in society.
So, to me, heteroflexible feels like a comfortable label. I don’t get to co-opt someone else’s legitimate struggle for acceptance. I haven’t earned that right to ask for that level of acceptance within the LGBT community. Maybe someday I’ll do more than have sex with a woman and have to deal with the ramifications of dating a woman and then maybe I’ll have earned the bisexual label. But not yet. I don’t get that badge.
The funny thing is, if a guy said to me that he had had sex with another guy and enjoyed it, I would raise my eyebrow if he didn’t just accept he was bisexual. I don’t know if that makes me a hypocrite, or if I’m just recognizing that FF sex is less transgressive in our society than MM sex.