Being a responsible rejector

A little over a year ago, I was being fucked doggy style and was bored out of my mind. And I realized I was only there because it had been easier to go along with the guy suggesting we go back to my place than it had been to say no. There was nothing wrong with him. And he was nice. And respectful. And I even had an orgasm when he ate me out. But I wasn’t into it.

So I vowed then not to do that again. Don’t get me wrong, I had rejected guys before. But I had also had sex when I was horny and a decent guy was there willing to fuck me. And I realized that there is a difference for me between sex I want to have and sex I don’t want to have, even when everything on the surface seems the same (it’s casual, I don’t have deep feelings, I don’t care if I see them again…)

So last night I went and met a guy for a drink nearby. I walked in and he looked like his pics…but skinnier. Not a big deal, but he was a little too skinny. But then I got close and he smelled like…an old baseball hat. Now he did have a full beard. I don’t know if that was it? Or just not showering that day? Or what. But he smelled. And I knew then we wouldn’t be naked. But I ordered a drink (which he insisted on paying for and then talked about how poor he is…geez dude, I could have bought my own drink. I don’t think he did it to make me feel guilty, but b/c he just didn’t get that maybe that puts me in a really awkward position).

And we talked. And he was fidgity.  And he indicated he was willing to leave whenever I was. But I didn’t want to reject him just as I started my drink b/c then why did I order it? (Or that’s how I felt). So I waited until the end of the drink and told him I wasn’t feeling it.

And he asks why. And I just said it had nothing to do with him (the dirty smell didn’t help, but we wouldn’t have been fucking anyway) and just that it wasn’t working for me. I wasn’t comfortable enough. And although he’s a nice guy, he keeps trying to insist it would be fun. Like…he knew intellectually I could say no. But didn’t actually accept I could say no. Which isn’t attractive. And is annoying. And is really fucking annoying that even the good guys think “But I think we’d have a lot of fun” and “I was looking forward to this” are reasons for me to change my mind.

So I have no regrets with rejecting him. I hate that I felt bad about it. And I hate that guys are so horrible at accepting rejection. Even the decent ones.

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