Is online dating *that* bad?

Last week someone messaged me on an online dating site and asked me how often I’m harassed.  And today I saw a Facebook thread bemoaning the harassment in online dating.

But, here’s the thing…I get probably between 20-200 messages a week online (I should count some week. I haven’t). And so far, I’d say the number of problematic men has been well under 1%. Probably .01%. I don’t know. Five guys come to mind and one of them might have just been clueless. Of course, I just delete the unwanted dick pics and the “hey baby, can you handle my 9 inches?” messages. So even if I included those, I would say it is less than 1-2% of the total messages I receive. I have been solicited for sex work 2-3 times (again, total…that’s in 1 1/2 years of my primary, sexually forward profile).

So am I lucky? Is it my age? Or is it that people hear how bad online dating is and want a horror story? So far, for dates I’ve gone on, I have 3 bad dates. 2 dealt with political assholes (if you don’t like that I’m voting for Hillary, STFU and don’t tell me that her vagina is her only accomplishment) and 1 that seemed ok at the time, but I rejected, and now he periodically sends me innocuous, but unwanted, messages thru the dating site (and he’s one I would put into the problematic category).  The others? at worst they’ve been dull.

Obviously I’m an experiment of one and I don’t want to suggest there aren’t problems. But I do have to wonder what the real story is.

Edit: And I’ve already been attacked on the Facebook thread for suggesting that maybe we do need to look at issues in society about how women treat sex as something they give away and men treat it as something to hunt down…if everyone could be more honest about their desires (or lack thereof), we might see some improvement. I really don’t understand why talking about broader societal influence is problematic. I was careful to say that no one should be harassed, etc. But if we throw our hands up and just say “all men are stupid” without actually trying to see why we are in this place, we have no solutions. Which makes me wonder how much of the complaining is just complaining for the sake of complaining and how much represents actual problems.

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15 thoughts on “Is online dating *that* bad?

  1. LOL. I joined one of those dating sites for the fun of it. I never intended on going out with any of them and they sure did provide lots of fodder for my posts. People have been after me to do it again.
    Maybe you have been somewhat lucky in that you haven’t had a bunch of morons messaging you. 🙂

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      1. In my main profile, I have no pics where you can really see my face. I get told at least once a week how beautiful my eyes are…and you cannot see my eyes in any of the pics at all. So yes, there are those. For sure.

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  2. I’m way far removed from that situation…what I see and hear from those that I know who are in your realm is pretty similar either online or in person to what you’re describing here. There are 7.3 billion people on this planet, surely there are a couple of matches out there?!?!

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  3. I’m pleased you’re managing to avoid the fuckboys for the most part. I wish I could say the same. Their constant harassment has exhausted me, so much so that just yesterday I started a mandatory dating app holiday. They’ve worn me down to the bone. I am absolutely fed up of their disgusting behaviour.

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    1. I’m sorry to hear that! I don’t know what I’m doing right. It’s been long enough that I don’t think it’s simply luck. Maybe it’s my age? I have to say that Tinder has been the app that has been the worst for me. It is the only app where people have gotten mad at me (which leads to them being deleted) and it’s the only one where younger guys think I should be desperate to get with them (on others, younger guys act like they just hope I might be into younger guys).

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      1. Hahaha, to be honest they’re are all full of idiots, but such is life. I found OkC most difficult to get on with at the start because anyone can message you any time and from all over the world. At least on Tinder there had to be a mutual like first. I’m pretty selective with my likes so Tinder and I got along pretty well for that reason. I don’t get hassled as much as some. My age also probably helps. Touch wood you don’t get a sudden influx of harassment 😉

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      2. Plus, I do count dick pics as harassment. Biology is one thing, but that’s not the reason they send them. I don’t want dicks shoved in my face constantly, unless it’s on my terms hahaha!

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      3. OKC doesn’t allow attaching pics, so unless I’ve given someone my kik, they can’t send pics. And usually if I have given them my kik, sending dick pics is on the table 😉 Tinder, Bumble, Feeld all allow pic attachment at any time. So maybe my underuse of the first two in particular limits unwanted dick pics. But I also just delete and block and don’t think about it much if it’s unwanted b/c it’s not worth it to me to get upset about it (not justifying it – it just doesn’t really elicit and emotional response from me)

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      4. Does Tinder allow photo attachment? It never used to and I haven’t noticed any updates, in the UK at least. Nah, I usually get dick pics on Whatsapp or on my IG page. I’m open about my sexual desires too and my blog – I openly advertise it. Regrettably some men think that means my vagina is open to the whole world 🙄 At least they don’t bother me again when I tell them to fuck off. I’ve seen some examples where women have said no relentlessly and they are still pursued. It’s sickening.

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  4. I agree! Just read a ton of boring blogs about everyone’s hurt feelings. Build a bridge and get over it. The online population is just as disappointing as the general population. Why is this so shocking? All these whiny women need to stop playing the victim and wisen the F up! No ones forcing you to swipe right, lady!
    You can cry bc the rules aren’t fair, or you can learn the game, play the game, win the game. Or just get of dating sites altogether. Check out my blog if you want

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