The freedom of being single

Following up on my last blog post about people’s assumptions when one is single, leaving for vacation reminded me of some of the wonderful aspects of being truly single. The days leading up to leaving were rather hectic. I had work obligations and was just so burnt out that I was not even at my most productive, making getting what had to get done that much more difficult. The guy who I had hooked up with right after my cat died was in touch (he’s the one I hadn’t nicknamed…I still have no inspiration for a nickname) because I’d let him know all was clean with the the chlamydia scare (indeed, the guy who I had been with who had been exposed was also clean…so I never was even exposed). So that got him asking for the next time…the first time he asked, I had plans to see my parents. That’s an easy no. Then he asked about the Sunday before I was leaving for my vacation (leaving Tuesday morning). When I told him on Sunday that I just had too much to do between work and packing, I did say it was possible Monday would work, but I really had to see if I got done what I needed to for work before I left.

Well, Monday I decided that, besides work and finishing packing, I really needed a good run. That ended up eating into the window I had to possibly see him. And I also didn’t feel like staying up late to see him because I wanted to run something on Tuesday morning before sitting for 24 hours of flying. So I told him that it wouldn’t work. When I got back we could get together. I haven’t heard from him. And that’s ok. This is what I want right now in my life. Someone who is open to seeing each other when our schedules line up, however each of us define schedules lining up. If our schedules don’t line up because I need time to myself, or want to see someone else, or feel like going for a run, or waste time writing a blog post, our schedules don’t line up. And a partner has that same luxury. If he says he isn’t available for a couple weeks (or months), I’m not going to worry about that. Having the power to only say yes when I truly want to say yes is really important to me. And I see being “unsingle” as losing that power. If I was “unsingle” and this guy was the reason I was “unsingle”, I would feel obligated (rightly or wrongly, but I think most would feel the same way) to see him before I left town for 2 weeks (and depending on the level of “unsingleness”, I might not even feel like it made sense to take a 2 week vacation without him).

No doubt, there are great things about relationships, at least when relationships are working. But right now I’m not seeing a feature of a relationship that I want which doesn’t exist in my life. I have friends I can count on to be there for me (and I for them) when life hands you that stuff that you need support for. I often can have as much good sex as I’d like, although admittedly it requires some level of scheduling. With a bunch of pets, I get as much cuddling as I want and can take. Sure, no one runs to the store for me when I need bread, but online grocery ordering pretty much takes that need off my plate and my dry cleaners pick up and drop off…and I have no reciprocal obligations. And no one cares how messy my place is but me. And, most importantly to me, I can say no to things I don’t want to do in my personal life. I have enough obligations in life. I don’t want another one. Maybe someday someone will convince me that he is worth that obligation. But I haven’t met that person yet.

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