Real sex vs. Porn

I have an uneasy relationship with porn.  I’m a highly visual person and I love seeing sexual images of all types (I don’t buy that women aren’t very visual – I buy that women are taught to be ashamed of liking sexual images).  But I do know that a lot of women who are in porn are not there purely by choice.  It’s a messy industry.  Anyway, this post isn’t really about that.  But I guess I start almost all discussions about porn with my conflict about it…

I’ve meant to write about some of the generational differences I’ve noticed in men since my dating pool that I consider ranges from about 25-50.  The pool I’ve had sex with in recent history has been 26-44.  So, between talking to guys in the 25 year age range pool and having sex with an obviously (much) smaller subset, I have noticed some generational differences that can’t purely be dismissed as coming with more years of having sex.

One of those differences is the impact of porn on what men expect sex to be like.  While, I think basically all men (and most women) in that range watch some kind of porn now, the older guys didn’t grow up with porn being readily accessible at any time, any place.  The unfortunate side effect of porn on demand is that there are a lot of younger guys who think hard, sustained pounding is all it takes to please a woman.  They don’t appreciate that variation in speed, intensity, teasing, etc, is all part of the fun.  That isn’t to say some haven’t figured it out.  But they are the exception. But many men seem to think that bragging about pounding me for hours is exciting…

Now, I have a lot of stamina.  And I can go for hours. But if it’s the same thing over and over, I’m just going to be bored at some point.  I think this is where men who had to figure out how to fuck without internet porn have an advantage.  They do know how to mix it up.

So I wonder if there is any good that comes from constant access to porn…I’m not sure.  I do think there are things younger guys are much better about than older men (that are generational differences, not just physical differences in age)…and I’ll try to put up topical posts on those things.

But if anyone has thoughts on whether a constant stream of porn is actually a good thing, I’d be interested.

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5 thoughts on “Real sex vs. Porn

  1. Very good observations indeed. The sadness of men thinking it’s all about a bum-bum-bum…! As for your remark on women being or not as visual as men…Well, I would make a distinction between porn and erotic movies, for examples. I love seeing sexual images, but not if they are an end to themselves. I want them inserted in a story, with details, with a build up, to make me understand how they are feeling at that moment…Also, I might enjoy seeing two people having sex, but only if I find them physically attractive. It might sound crude or politically incorrect, but i don’t enjoy the sight of fat, old, hairy bodies having sex. If it supposed to excite me, then i have to find it really pleasant to the eye.

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    1. I certainly understand wanting the aesthetically pleasing visual of the people having sex. Some people are just more aesthetically pleasing to us…
      I might be weird as I’m happy enough to just jump to the sex, without storyline, with porn. But only if it looks like everyone is enjoying themselves.

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  2. I find your blog interesting and thought provoking. There has been discussion from time to time about people “addicted to sex.” I suspect that all of us are addicted to sex at some level. Perhaps the problem (addiction) occurs when our obsession becomes so overwhelming that it interferes with normal relationships, jobs, responsibilities, etc. Porn, does set up some unrealistic expectations, I think. That all people are open to strange and kinky sex. But I also think that porn is in a real primitive state. That some day people will look back at our current porn and realize it is crude, one dimensional, and deals too much with the act and not nearly enough with the circumstances. As lovesexdating stated where is the story.

    Some of the difference between the generations might have less to do with the effect of porn and more to do with learning. We have a limited learning about real sex. Porn is not very realistic and men and women are rather shy about teaching each other until a certain level of experienced is reached and a certain level of confidence is achieved. Only then can couples be honest with one another about what they need.

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    1. I have trouble with the idea of sex addiction (but that’s kind of a different issue – I think we understand so little about addiction in general that we use it to refer to problematic relationships with “stuff” in life and sometimes the use of the term itself allows for the problematic relationships…anyway…).
      I do agree with you that people are shy about teaching each other and even about expressing their desires. It happens both at the intimate stage (where couples have trouble communicating about desires and what they want) and at the non-intimate stage (where friends and acquaintances tend to make assumptions about what is “normal” sex for others and make comments accordingly). So often the only way we can explore what we might be interested in doing sexually is by exploring porn…(which, incidentally, brings me back to one of the reasons I started this blog – in no way do I think my sexual experiences are universal, but I also think, since they’re my own experiences, they aren’t “weird”. We need to normalize the range of sexual experiences people have so that we can all feel ok about where we are and where we want to be)

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