Accepting Rejection

One of the kind of surprising benefits of this dating with no intention of finding anything serious thing…I’ve learned to accept rejection.  I remember that I used to feel, well, so rejected when I was rejected. I’d kick myself for being too fat, too dorky, not pretty enough, not cool enough…whatever.  It was always something *wrong* with me.

But the thing is, when you have a somewhat discreet profile image up and have to reveal your face later to prospective daters, you have to get over the fear of direct-ish rejection.  Some guys never message back. Some message back saying you’re not their type…And others are wicked excited about the pictures. In other words, not everyone (even me, no surprise) is everyone’s type.

We all obviously know this.  Have a silly conversation with friends and you realize that agreement on celebrity hotness is rarely even possible.  Why should mere mortals be any different.  But yet, at least as a woman, I’ve spent most of my life feeling like something was wrong with me if I was rejected.

Just like the physical, there are also people I click with and people I don’t.  I can’t always say why.  Sure, sometimes there is something tangible.  But often, it’s just about the rhythm of conversation.  And if I’m finding that, why wouldn’t the same be true on the other side of things?

All this is logical, of course. And I’m sure I knew this for some time. But it wasn’t until I went through the sometimes day in/day out rejection cycle (look, a woman saying she is open to casual sex gets A LOT of messages on a dating site) that I really got it.  And sometimes rejection has nothing to do with me! I’ve had guys seemingly blow me off just to message a month or more later saying they were in a bad place and sorry they dropped the ball.

I just wish I could impart this wisdom to a younger me. It would have really saved so much time and energy second-guessing myself.


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