“Women don’t desire multiple partners” – ?

I heard this statement given as “fact” by a guest on a podcast this morning.  His theory was that women have not evolved to want sex from more than one man, so it’s just not a thing women want. Though it’s a thing men want.  He stated as “fact” that this behavior/desire had nothing to do with social constructs or expectations, but simply has to do with evolution.

I know this sentiment is out there. Sure.  But, either I’m a weirdo, or it is pretty normal for a female to desire sex from more than one man (whether one acts on that or not is obviously a choice).  I feel like once I allowed myself the choice of ethical non-monogamy, I don’t know how I would ever go back.  There are so many amazing men – men who spark my interest for their appearance, men who spark my interest for their intelligence, men who spark my interest for their swagger…and to decide that I only want one man, who can’t be all things to me, just seems like something I won’t be interested in doing (of course, I reserve my right to change my mind).  But, even when I’ve been monogamous, and even when I’ve thought I had the most amazing boyfriend, I still was occasionally turned on by other men. I think this is pretty normal.  I assume most women, even if they are deeply in love/lust with their significant other, can see other men as sexually appealing.

The reason I am thinking about this statement from some random person on a podcast is that I think it’s a pretty common viewpoint. And that’s where a lot of slut-shaming comes from. We accept that men can desire more than one person in an overlapping time period. But we ultimately think it’s weird if women do.  But I don’t think it is. Or I’m just weird.  But I wish we all could be more open about our desires, even if they aren’t desires we would ever act on.  I guess I see this as important to feminism because I think being open about what we think and desire, fuck societal expectations, is necessary to shift expectations about what women can do and experience.


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