“Stay safe!”

How many times have I heard this from people who hear that I’m totally open to casual sex.  It’s well-meaning and appreciated…but how often do they say the same thing to someone taking a road trip? (In fairness, some of them might).

No doubt, there are risks with non-monogamous sex.  That’s why I get tested and am overall good about condoms (but I won’t pretend I’m 100% perfect if I’ve had a conversation with someone about testing and I’ve been recently tested. I have an IUD, so I’m not worried about pregnancy). I take that risk. I test for it. But I feel like even saying that receives lots of judgment. But… we wouldn’t judge someone for taking an unnecessary road trip where they expect to get laid…we’d only judge them for the sex without a condom. Even though the road trip is more likely to kill them.

Anyway, my thoughts on this topic are far less coherent than this article: http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2015/11/the-stigma-of-sex-related-health-risks/415518/?utm_source=SFFB

Note: I am not saying people should have unprotected sex. Condoms are great. They should be used. But damn it. I notice a difference. And they interrupt the flow. And sometimes in fooling around, a condomless dick ends up inside me.  Usually I have the self control after initially enjoying that to say, “ok, we should put a condom on.”  But have I ever not done that? Sure. Or has the guy pulled out and cum all over me and I figure, “what the hell…his cum is everywhere. A condom isn’t going to do anything at this point”.

And yeah, I feel like I’m going to be judged for writing this admission. But if we talk actual risks, it’s not that great a risk. So, I’m being honest. And I think we all need a little more honesty about what people do, what risks are there, and what risks people take in their daily life that we don’t judge.


5 thoughts on ““Stay safe!”

  1. I have had many lax times when we didn’t bother with using condoms. It’s not even that I hate them but also that they are an awkward interruption. However what I really want to know is the issue that no one seems to talk about, even less practise, and that is safe oral sex. What is your view on this? I feel ridiculous firstly, saying to a guy, I’ll only do oral if you wear a condom, and secondly, you can only do oral on me with a dam/cut condom. The whole thing is just too gross so basically I have never insisted on safe oral sex – and yet so I read, it’s as easy to pick up STDs and STIs doing oral as anything else. Love to know your thoughts 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I recognize there is risk, but I have never used (nor seen anyone use) condoms/dental dams for oral. I have gotten tested for oral STI/Ds when tested (but not every time). My understanding is that the ones easiest to pass are the ones that are more treatable…it’s pretty difficult to get HIV, for instance, from oral. I recognize the risk involved and accept it.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Actually a friend of mine has recently got HSV2 from a guy who did oral on her while having a cold sore (HSV1). It has really scared me and she is totally devastated. The herpes virus is not something to be sneezed at, and it never leaves your system. I have been told my medical practitioners that it is transmittable even with no symptoms being present. I recently ended a relationship with a long-term FWB because he gets cold sores, and I just am not prepared to take the risk. I’d like to hear what more people have to say about this, but I am yet to encounter anyone talking about it, even in the poly community

    Liked by 1 person

    1. So…herpes. I take it seriously and not at the same time. I won’t hook up with someone with a cold sore b/c of the possibility of transmission and do a visual check (even if a person says they are clean).

      At the same time, I recognize a whole bunch of people are carriers of the herpes virus and don’t know it https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/speaking-of-science/wp/2015/11/02/you-probably-have-herpes-but-thats-really-okay/?utm_term=.c02b91f03b30


      Basically, I take precautions, but recognize there is a risk. And see the risk of being a carrier as something I’m willing to take on. I frankly don’t see how it can be avoided since even condoms don’t really protect against herpes (https://consults.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/05/26/5-things-to-know-about-herpes/?_r=0)

      Liked by 1 person

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